Page 110 of Use Me Up

I wake up at some point and notice that Ellis isn’t in the bed, and that goes in and out of me in a way that doesn’t feel good. But, also, it’s a dull feeling, like I am losing the capacity to get very angry at him for this shit. This is how Ellis is. I am getting used to it.

This must be how Andrew feels.

Speaking of my brother, he has called me and texted me, something I see when I go downstairs to the living room to get my purse.

I go through it to find the Plan B pill, which I have been carrying with me everywhere I go, sort of waiting for the moment when I feel certainty.

Ellis being gone?

Well, I’m teetering on the edge. But then I find my phone. It was on do not disturb, so I haven’t heard it make any noise. But I scroll through Andrew’s text messages, and I see that he doesn’t know where Callie is.

Ellis and Callie are together, and I’m sure, very fucking sure, that I’m not having that man’s baby.

So, I go into the kitchen and I pour myself a glass of water, and I take the pill.

Then I call Andrew back.

“Ellis is gone, too,” I say.

“So,” says Andrew, “they’re together.”

“Probably,” I say with a sigh, shaking my head.

“You know, it’s just so frustrating, because I keep feeling like she and I are turning a corner or something, and then—” Andrew breaks off. “Hold on, she’s calling me.”

“Okay,” I say. “Just text me if you find anything out.” I hang up.

I’m reeling. I still don’t know how I feel about any of this, about sex with three men or the way they all focused on me, all three of them working together to pleasure me.

That was amazing.

But the person tying all of us together is Ellis, and Ellis is incapable of being in a relationship with anyone except Calliope, I think.

He just can’t help himself. He wants to be my boyfriend, but he can’t help but be attached to Callie. They’re whatever they are, and it’s never going to end.

I have to be strong. I have to end this. I can’t sit around and let him do this to me over and over again. I mean, right? Isn’t that what anyone would advise me?

It’s only that… if I do that… what do I go back to?

Absolutely freaking nothing.

I wonder about Gatlin, about Kane, about whether either of them could be interested in me without Ellis.

As if summoned by my thoughts, I hear someone padding down the stairs. I look to see that it’s Gatlin. He’s only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. He comes over to me, looking around. “Where’s Ellis?”

“Fucking my sister-in-law, probably,” I say wryly.

Gatlin sits down next to me on the couch. “Okay, right.” He rubs his temples. “You’re going to take the Plan B, aren’t you?”

“Already did,” I say.

He sighs, but he nods at me. “I completely get it.”

I look up at the ceiling. “Maybe I’m being ridiculous. Do I have a leg to stand on being annoyed with what he did? He just watched me have sex with two different men.”

“Key word there is watched,” says Gatlin. “He doesn’t offer to make his relationship with Calliope part of his relationship with you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want that,” I say. “I mean, I am not even a little bit attracted to Callie.”