Page 27 of Ashes to Ink

Because Abby didn’t know if there were answers for any ofthat.

“Abby?” Adrienne asked again, pulling Abby out of hertangled thoughts.

Yes, she was worried about her friends, but it wasn’t likeshe could just up and ask them what was bothering them. If it was something aseasy as a stubbed toe or just a bad day, she could ask, but there were so manyother layers to these topics, and that made it complicated. She didn’t have anyright to dig into it or try to help. Because she, more than most, knew that forcingsomeone to talk about something that they weren’t ready for only made thingsworse in the end. Her former friends up in Denver—not the Gallaghersor the Montgomerys—had tried to tell her thateverything happened for a reason. That losing Max had a purpose in the end.

She hadn’t wanted to speak to them again after that.

What purpose did losing the love of your life serve? Whatdid Julia never getting to meet her father mean?

There hadn’t been a purpose, only life. Only death.

And when the others started to drift away from her becausethey hadn’t been able to deal with her grief, she let them.

Her friends here didn’t pry. Oh, they were sticking theirnoses in right then when it had to do with Ryan, but they wouldn’t pry unlessshe needed them to. And the fact that they were such good friends meant thatthey knew when to do it or not.

Right then, her meddling when it came to Roxie or Kaylee andhow they were feeling, or why they were feeling it, was not appropriate.

Eventually, she would. At some point, she would try to help.

But for now, she knew they needed space.

She didn’t. She was ready to talk.

“Okay, so the date was amazing.” She knew there was warmthin her tone, even if there was also a little confusion.

The others clapped their hands, everyone looking happy,although Roxie and Kaylee looked slightly…off.

But they had both been quiet recently—too quiet.

Again, Abby would ask them if she could help when the timecame. But now was not that time.

“And?” Thea asked, finally sitting down. Thea was constantlymoving around, especially considering that she was still working, but she hadalso hired another staffer, who was doing really well for everyone and allowedThea to have something called a life.

Abby couldn’t wait for one of those of her own.

A life and help beyond the people she borrowed from Thea.

“And I had fun. We went out to dinner, we talked. We talkeda lot.”

“About what?” Adrienne asked.

“About Julia, work, and even Max.” She winced, and Theareached out and patted her hand.

“He was always going to come up, don’t you think?” Theaasked, her voice gentle.

“I know. And Ryan didn’t seem bothered by it at all. I don’tthink I talked about Max for all the hours we were together, but I did mentionhim a lot. But then again, you’re right, he was a huge part of my life. Hestill is because of Julia. Even Ryan said as much. Of course, Max wouldprobably still be a huge part of my life even if I didn’t have Julia.”

“I can’t say that I know what you mean, but I understand. Hewas the love of your life.” This time, Adrienne winced. “I don’t know if I cansay that, not anymore. I’m sorry.”

Abby shook her head. “No, you’re right. I always call Maxthe love of my life. And I don’t know how I’m going to use the verbiage fromnow on after this. Because, yes, Max was the love of my life, and I will alwayslove him. But I don’t know what will happen if I fall for someone else.” Shequickly shook her head. “Not that I’m saying I’m actually going to fall forRyan, but it’s the idea that I was actually happy last night that makes it allmixed up in my head. And it’s the idea that I have to come up with what I feelbecause I need the words, but I don’t want to compare to what I had, eventhough I’m always going to try at first. That’s how my brain works.”

“You’re so strong,” Adrienne said and then shook her head.“Nope. Forget I said that. I know you hate when I say that.”

Abby sat up a little straighter. “You do?”

“I noticed that you don’t actually say anything but, yes,your eyes get narrower any time someone says that to you. I’ve been doing mybest not to say it, but sometimes I just don’t know what to say, and those arethe words that pop out.”

“I’m sorry. I think it’s just a tic at this point.”