Page 60 of Break My Heart

She blinks as if the concept is foreign to her. “Delegated?”

“To nannies.” I let out a humorless laugh. “There was always someone responsible for me. If one left, another arrived before I’d had the chance to notice the first had departed.”

She says nothing, though I’m certain there’s a quiet fury building behind her eyes. “Leo...”

“They weren’t obviously cruel.”

“And emotionally?”

I pause for a moment before admitting, “Feelings were reserved for my brother and his family.”

Christin lets out a quiet expletive. I force my lips to curve. “There was no love, but I didn’t want for anything materially. Every nanny was given a black card with instructions to ‘Take him wherever he likes. Buy whatever he needs. Keep him entertained.’”

The dismissals still sting, no matter how many years have passed. Still, I’m astounded by the fury emanating from Christin. I hastily add, “I had every toy imaginable. Every holiday. Every opportunity.”

“You just didn’t have much in the way of parents.” She reaches for my face, her thumb brushing my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head. “I thought I was past it.”

“It would be hard to get past something like that.”

Warmth settles deep inside me. “I had a favorite nanny—Felicity. She was the best of them.”

Christin leans forward. “Why?”

“She’d been with me for nearly three years, which was a lifetime at the age of ten. She never treated me as though I were an obligation. She talked to me. Kicked around a football in the garden. Helped me with schoolwork.” I chuckle. “She also never avoided telling me when I was behaving like an entitled little git.”

“I imagine you deserved it.”

“I didn’t know eyes could roll that much and not fall out of someone’s head.”

Christin laughs softly.

“Felicity was engaged to a Formula One mechanic named Ian. One Saturday, he had an extra ticket to a karting team event. It was Felicity’s day off, but she brought me along.”

“And your parents said yes?”

“They barely looked up from breakfast. They simply told her to use the card if I wanted anything.”

I close my eyes. “I’ll never forget what it felt like; smelled like.”

“Tell me.”

“The petrol. The burning rubber of the tyres. The warm engines. I’d never experienced anything like it.” I let out a huff. “Everyone thinks it’s the speed that lures you. For me, it wasn’t that.”

“What was it?”

“I finally felt alive.” The words pass my lips unbidden.

“Every child deserves that,” Christin murmurs

“I was obsessed before lunchtime. I begged Felicity to let me come back.”

“And she did?”

“Every chance she could.”

I can still picture standing against the fence, not caring about food because I wanted to be with the kids in the karts. Learning from older drivers. “Her fiancé, Ian, started explaining things to me. He never spoke to me like I was a burden.”