Page 17 of Break My Heart

I sit up, yanking a hand through my hair. No, it’s not, because underneath my frustration, beneath the sharp edge of pain that refuses to soften, there’s something I still wonder about.

What triggered this to happen?

Before I can type that into the chat, Maya jumps in.

Maya:

Don’t hack me for what I’m about to say.

But he sounds like he means it.

The chat goes still for a second. No one types anything before both Amy and Emery chime in.

Amy:

Yeah.

Emery:

I hate to say this, but he didn’t have to send it.

I reopen the email. I can tell he meant it. I truly believe that. But no one has a right to make me feel bad about myself—especially the man I had just confessed my love to.

Me:

I think this helps me move on.

Knowing he’s apologetic.

You are all right. I believe that part, but that doesn’t mean I have to forgive him.

My phone buzzes over and over again, but I don’t read the messages. The girls know I’ll get to them later. Instead, I set my phone face down on the table before what’s on it can destabilize me any further. I announce to the empty room, “I’m not doing this. Not now.”

Maybe, not ever.

I refuse to respond just because Leo finally decided to pull up his adult-size fire suit and apologize—not when I’ve spent the last month trying to build up a version of myself that won’t crumble.

I roll back toward my desk. This time, when I sit, my fingers actually move. Code fills the screen again.

This, I can control. Predict.

Unlike him.

And for now, that’s exactly what I need.

7

STINT: PERIOD BETWEEN PIT STOPS: TWO MONTHS LATER

Location: New York City

My boss doesn’t waste time with platitudes.

Leanne Miles, CEO of one of the world’s preeminent software companies, knows her time is valuable. Though she frequently jokes with her team that her time is best spent keeping a sharp eye on what her kids are doing online.

But today, she starts our meeting by sliding a tablet across the glass conference table and warning me, “You’re going to hate me for this assignment.”

I don’t reach for it immediately. “That’s a strong opening. Usually you build up to ruining my day.”