Page 175 of Hard Pass

He lifts a brow and I shut my mouth, because yeah.

Maybe.

Fuck.

Lucas leans forward, forearms on the bar. “You didn’t tell her you loved her so she’d say it back to you.” He pauses. “You told her because it was true.” He slides his empty glass forward “So why are you acting like she failed a test?”

I stare at the bottles lined up behind the bar. At the labels. At anything that isn’t him and the wisdom I sought out.

Because that’s exactly what I did. I made a play call in my own damn relationship and got pissed when she didn’t run the route perfectly.

Jesus.

“I’m not good at this,” I mutter.

“No shit.”

I glare at him as he smiles into his glass. “So helpful,” I say.

“You didn’t call me because you wanted me to coddle you.”

“No. I called you because apparently, I hate myself.”

“That too.”

I laugh but it fades as the truth hits. “She scares the hell out of me.”

“You have to ask yourself the question why and that might give you the answer you’re looking for.”

I run my finger down the bottle. “Because I want things with her I’ve never wanted before. Not like this. Not in a way where I can see her toothbrush next to mine and think, yeah, leave it there. Not where I look at her in my house and it feels better because she’s in it.” I exhale a shaky breath. “Then tonight she hesitated and all I heard was my dad.”

Lucas doesn’t move. He doesn’t interrupt. And I hate how much that makes it easier to keep talking.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but my dad is harsh . . . and when she didn’t say anything, all I heard was how I’m not enough. Not good enough. Not steady enough. Not whatever enough. And I know she’s not him. I know that.” I press the heel of my hand against my eye. “But for a second it felt the same. Like rejection. Like I laid a part of me out there and got judged.”

Lucas is quiet for a long moment. “It’s not like I know anything about your dad or your relationship, but, dude . . . she’s not him.” He turns his glass slowly in his hand. “You want to break the pattern? Stop making her pay for damage she didn’t do.”

“Fuck,” I groan.

He’s right. Again.

Dublin didn’t reject me. She froze. And what did I do in response? I didn’t give her space before I decided for her what she should have done. Fuck.

“From the brief time I’ve seen her at the facility, she’s careful, Cole. Anyone who’s watched her work can see that. She’s lost control of her work, her reputation, her life. She knew that was a risk and still she took it. Then you hand her something that means more than all of it and you expect her to catch it clean?”

“Stop making sense,” I mutter.

He squeezes my shoulder. “She deserves better than that. So give her better.”

I nod and then shake my head. I’m confused but I now have more clarity than when I walked out that door.

My phone buzzes against the bar. I stare at the lit-up screen for way too long.

Lucas chuckles. “You going to stare at it until it combusts or are you going to see what she has to say? Do or die time, Valor.”

I pick it up and unlock the screen.

DUBLIN: Come home to me.