Page 171 of Hard Pass

I’m afraid to make this any worse when he’s not entirely wrong.

“I just . . .” I exhale in frustration. “How am I supposed to trust something steady when the rest of my life is falling apart?”

“That’s why you would. Stability. Something concrete. There’s always going to be a problem or stress or outside noise,” he says. “That’s not a reason to walk away before you even try.”

“Who said I didn’t want to try?”

“Your hesitancy said it all.” His words land like a thud. His humorless laugh hits even harder. “Awesome. Perfect. I can’t do this right now,” he says, already moving toward the back door, sliding the door shut behind him.

I stand there for a second, mentally beating myself up over my reaction. Over my elation coated in fear.

Then I follow.

He’s pacing the edge of the pool when I step outside into the warm night air. Tension radiates off him as I move to where he is.

“Hey. I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m just . . . in my own head.”

He stops, turns, and levels me with his eyes. “Do you know what meeting you felt like? What all of this feels like to me?”

“What?” I blink.

“You think I make this look easy?” he shouts. “You walked into my life and flipped the whole goddamn thing upside down.”

Before I can react, he picks me up and throws me in the pool. I screech as I hit the water, cold shocking my system as I surface, sputtering.

“Cole!” I shout, shocked and already moving toward the steps.

“That.” His voice is rough. He steps down onto the first step as I push my hair from my face. “That’s what it feels like. Every morning when I wake up and turn over and see you there. Every time I walk in this house to find you here. It feels like I’ve been thrown in the deep end without a goddamn warning.”

My tank top and shorts cling to my chilled skin, but that’s not why goosebumps chase over my body. “What are you saying?”

He yanks me against him and slants his mouth over mine. This kiss is hard and messy and overwhelming. Like he’s trying to say everything he doesn’t have words for. When he pulls back, his eyes swim with emotion. “I’m in love with you.”

My world tilts.

“I don’t know when it happened,” he says. “Probably somewhere between Cabo and you telling me ‘hard pass’ like you meant it.” A pause. “Maybe even earlier.”

I just stare at him. Shocked. Processing. Scrambling to understand how he can be so good at expressing himself when clearly, I’m not.

“I’m sorry your world is still upside down,” he says, voice rough, “and that it doesn’t fit in your perfectly patterned box anymore. And I’m sorry mine finally feels like it’s starting to settle. And I’m sorry that after all this time, you don’t know how you feel about me.”

Fuck.

I love you, Cole Valor, but I don’t know how to get those words out.

Because knowing even in my messiest moments in my life, that someone found me beautiful, someone chose to love me, is overwhelming and unexpected.

His Adam’s apple bobs as he steps out of the pool.

“Cole. Wait. I—”

He lifts a hand to stop me. A quiet humorless laugh slips out. “Yeah. Not exactly how I imagined me telling you I love you would go.”

“Don’t,” I say quickly, stepping toward him. “That’s not—”

But he’s already moving grabbing a towel on the counter. Sliding on his flip-flops. Grabbing his keys. Hand on the front door.

“Cole—”