Page 80 of The Backup Plan

“Point is, you didn’t stop wanting things because the stakes got higher. You just figured a way to get around them.”

I watch the kids line up again. Small hands on skinny knees. High-pitched voices carrying over to me.

“These stakes are a lot higher now than back then.”

“I don’t know,” he teases. “The stakes felt pretty high back then considering Coach had no problem whooping our asses.”

“True.” I chuckle and then pinch the bridge of my nose. “What if this is a chance I don’t want to screw up?”

“With football?”

“With . . . everything.”

And I have no fucking clue what that everything entails.

My chance at playing.

Her job.

Ruining a friendship I enjoy and have come to depend on.

Pissing off my neighbor.

All of it going fucking south.

“Well,” Bren says, “getting reps means you’re still in the fight. And if there’s a woman making you think with your brain and not your other head, I mean . . . maybe she’s worth it.”

“Fucking distractions,” I mutter.

“Sounds more like you’re alive, not distracted.”

I swallow. “You’re supposed to talk me out of shit like this.”

“True. But maybe this whole scenario is backing up the one constant I’m always telling you—that there’s more to life than football and you need to start living it. Because when your playing days are over, what else will you have?”

When your playing days are over. God. What is it with everyone bringing this shit up? Is it obvious to everyone but me that my playing days are over?

“I’ll have time to screw things up then,” I tease.

“Or you’ll have nothing to look forward to, and that might make you hold on longer than you should to avoid that.”

“Yes. I’ve got it. Derrick Allen gave me the same speech the other day.”

“And you actually listened to him?”

I close my eyes and sigh for a beat. “When I started this career, I always promised myself I’d go out on top of my game. The last time I touched a field during the season, I was hauled off in a cart. I need to, for my own sake, make the team, play the game, and then walk away from it. That’s my immediate focus . . . but yes, I’m trying to figure out what beyond that looks like. Okay?”

His silence is probably surprise. “That’s the most honest you’ve been with me and yourself in a long time.”

“Yeah. I’m not a fan of it.”

He chuckles and it makes me smile. “Well, for what it’s worth, I still think you should break the rules, if you think she’s worth it. And not just for a hookup. Break them for something with potential. For someone who makes you feel good—and not just in the sack.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I say but hear every word he says. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Why? That Pop Warner game get interesting?” he asks.

“Wait. How did you know—”