Page 106 of Threaded Lies

“I’ve asked myself that exact question a million times.” I breathe a bit easier having someone else validate my thoughts. “And that’s why I can’t let go of the whole inheritance notion yet. That’s why I trust him, like, 95 percent but hold out on the other 5 percent.”

“That’s why you’re falling for him but refuse to admit it to yourself,” she says softly.

Her words stagger me when they shouldn’t. Isn’t that something I’ve known for some time now? Since the night in Manhattan? Isn’t that why my guard is up even higher?

Because I let Holden in.

I’ve let him in.

And it’s terrifying when you still don’t fully trust everything about that person.

But you want to.

My sigh says it all.

Sloane nods, her face nothing but compassionate.

“I talked to him, you know.”

I whip my head in her direction and stare at her. “What do you mean you talked to him?”

“At the country club this week. He was there looking miserable, searching the crowd for who I’d like to think was you, and so I introduced myself to him.”

“Sloane.” Her name is a warning and a question all in one breath.

“What?” I don’t buy her innocent shrug one bit. “Someone had to tell him you were trying on wedding dresses.”

I close my eyes and hang my head. That’s how he knew. “Of course.” I nod and process. “But why?”

My best friend studies me in a way I let very few people study me. She takes her time like she’s pitching a closing argument in front of a jury before she delivers her closing line. “There is such a thing as compromise, Row.”

I chortle. “Compromise? You mean giving up what I’ve dreamed of and selling my soul for a man?”

“No. I mean sitting back and being mature enough to realize that having it all isn’t always realistic. It’s ambitious and what makes you wake up every day, but as you’ve seen, sometimes it’s okay to reassess and readjust. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

“You of all people. I thought you understood,” I accuse, but there is no vitriol behind my words.

“I do understand. But I also saw the look on his face when I mentioned you were dress shopping. And I also see you light up when you talk about him. He’s given you more of your dream than you have ever expected. And he did that because he believed you, because he values your worth—not just because you’re a Rothschild. That says something. It says a lot of something. You can have little portions of everything you want. You can mix and match those portions to whatever you need them to be. Each person’s picture looks different.”

I snort and roll my eyes. “You’re telling me not to go through with the wedding to Chad?”

“I’m not telling you anything. I’m simply laying it out for you to stand back and look at objectively.” She angles her head to the side. “Do you actually think that once you are officially married to Chad that you’ll be able to carry on whatever this is with Holden?”

I stare at my friend as if that other shoe that I was waiting to drop just did. Her words stagger me.

No. I didn’t think of that. I just … blindly and naïvely thought life would carry on as it currently is.

Am I willing to give up whatever this is with Holden? Am I willing to put the endgame before my happiness when it seems my happiness has always been the thing no one else has cared about?

Heart over head or head over heart?

The tears come out of the blue. The weeks and months of putting on a brave front and trying to be exactly who everyone thinks I should be—including myself—hits me.

She’s at my side in a second. The only person who knows the truths behind every single thing happening in my life, and it feels so good to let it all out.

To purge the hurt, the confusion, the grief, and the need to always be so goddamn strong.

Everything. All at once.