Page 12 of Sweet Distraction

“But that’s what you were suggesting, right? Keep on the one person with any experience in this situation? Fine. Done. As we’ve established, I don’t have the first fucking clue about having a kid. None. Nor do I know what would be needed in a nanny. If she’s as good as you tell me she is, if Poppy has taken to her, then keep her on.” One less fucking thing I have to do and one way to keep everything at arm’s length for a while. “Pay her the fucking world to keep her on. Give her whatever she asks for—”

“I don’t think—”

“Do you actually think I’m in my right mind right now to make any of these decisions? Poppy likes her. Fine. Done.”

“You’re not just an everyday Joe, Rocket. You have privacy concerns and—”

“Then do your job and make sure she signs an NDA and does whatever the fuck needs to be done. You’ve done it with everyone else who works for me, right? Then do it for her.”

There’s a slight pause. A sigh of measured frustration.

“I just figured you might want to meet the woman who’d be living with you before you had her sign a binding contract.”

Oof.

Living with me. Jesus fucking Christ. I scrub a hand through my hair and wonder why that statement just got through to me when nothing else has. I sit down. I stand back up. I move to look out at the backyard. Then wander aimlessly through the kitchen.

The perpetual bachelor. The man who likes his space and his privacy. Now two people will be moving in.

“I think it’s best if we do a contract with a probationary period of say, a few weeks to a month. If she passes and you like her, then we can sign an extension.”

“You’re the lawyer,” I mutter.

“And you’re my client so I take direction from you. Are you good with this plan?”

“Yes. Fine.” I scrub a hand over my face.

“Great. I’ll get going on this—”

“There’s no way out of this,” I state, knowing the answer and feeling like an absolute chickenshit for even suggesting it. “What about—how can—can’t I be considered unfit to parent? I’m always traveling. I live a chaotic life. I mean, is there something I can do to have the courts think that?” My pulse pounds in my ears. It’s the only sound louder than the silence stretching and judgment being leveled between us.

“You’re better than that, Gavin. You’re not an asshole who would do something horrible to make that happen. First, because you’re a good guy and second, because you don’t want to give the press the field day they’d have with it when they found out you abandoned your child, sent her to the foster system—and they would find out.”

Yes, I’m as horrible as that comment just made me out to be.

I emit a strangled groan as I grab my neck and stop pacing. She’s right. I know she’s right, and yet it sounds so fucking tempting.

“Tough love time,” she says. “It’s going to be rocky and tough for a while. You’re used to thinking about no one, and now you have to think about Poppy first. Use the nanny while you sort through your shit—be that a day or a month—but don’t use her to shirk on your duties as a father. As the man I know you can be.”

“You don’t know shit about me,” I spit out.

She makes a non-committal sound. It’s a warning her words reinforce. “I’m going to give you a pass on talking to me like this due to the shock of this situation. It’s a one-time thing. Please remember that.”

I hang my head and grunt in response as I will away the tears that burn and my chest that aches and wonder what the fuck to do next. I know she’s right and yet it sounds so fucking tempting. What the hell did Olivia’s parents do that she’d rather I have her than them?

“Maybe it’ll help if you talk to the guys.”

“And say what?” I mutter.

“Hawkin has two little girls,” she continues like I never spoke. “Vince has a son he didn’t know about until he was six or seven, right? Gizmo has one on the way . . . I bet they’d be able to calm your fears.”

“I’m not afraid of anything,” I say and then laugh self-deprecatingly. “Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m afraid of everything.”

“Do you want to see a picture of her?” Sandra asks. I don’t think it’s possible to steal anymore breath from my lungs, but she just did.

No.

It’s my first reaction. My only reaction because seeing is believing and I don’t want to believe this.