Page 146 of Lucky Shot

“You’re right. I can’t. Our pasts don’t define us by any means—my opening up to you proves that—but you sure as shit keep letting yours define you. I’m sick of hiding how I feel. You should be sick of fearing how you do too.”

“Just remember, your mama will always love you.”

“That’s what you always say, Mama.”

Her body shakes again. “It’s true. I do love you.”

“But, if you loved me so much, why don’t you ever want to keep me?

How do I let that go? That even though my own mama told me she loved me, she so easily gave me away? How can I be sure Hardy won’t do the same? Even now, he’s left me here to work through this all alone.

“There’s nothing more to say, is there? I said it all. You said nothing. End of story.”

But I need him to know where my head is at. That I’m trying.

“Hardy.”

“Stop. Just stop saying my name like the emotion behind it will be enough. It’s not,” he shouts. “I told you I loved you.”

“No. You told me you were falling for me.”

“Same difference. Do you need to hear the words so you run further away? I’ll give them to you. I fucking love you, Whitney Barnes. It’s stupid and it’s crazy and nothing that I wanted, but look at that, there it is. I tried to stop it. Told myself it was not feasible and went and fell for you anyway because you’re that incredible. So love me. Hate me. Just know I love you when you decide to throw us away.” He emits a ragged sigh that feels like it stabs right through my heart. “I have a game to prepare for. A championship to try cement. I have a life to live. One I want you in. That part is up to you.”

He hangs up the phone, but I don’t move it from my ear.

I need to hold on in case he decides to say something else, even though I know that’s not feasible.

I’m holding on until I have the courage to say what I really want to say, but that paralyzes me too.

I need time to process all of this. Last night. Today. My hopes. My fears. My . . . everything.

Another lie.

I know what I’m feeling. I’ve fallen for Hardy too. Not just fallen, but I’m tripped-over-my-own-feet headfirst in love with him.

Loving is the easy part. It’s not letting the fear rule that’s the hard part.

“Do you need to hear the words so you run further away? I’ll give them to you. I fucking love you, Whitney Barnes. It’s stupid and it’s crazy and nothing that I wanted, but look at that, there it is.”

I love you, too, Alexander Hardy. More than I ever thought was possible.

Please wait for me to catch up.

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO

Hardy

I grip the phone like a vise as I stare at the city’s lights beyond.

Everything Whitney didn’t say, couldn’t say, is what resonates the loudest.

She loves me. I know she does. I could see it in her eyes and feel it in her touch and yet . . . that’s not enough.

My chest aches in a way I’ve never known before. It feels heavy. Grieved. She might not ever be able to acknowledge what she feels.

Other things, even fears, will keep her from wanting to be with you. Wanting me in her life.

Funny. Not the first time I’ve had someone feel that way about me.