Page 102 of Until You

“The decibel level is pretty high in there,” she says with a glance back toward the house and its lit-up windows.

“Pretty high?” I chuckle and lift my eyebrows thinking of how many times I’ve winced in the past thirty minutes before escaping out here for a quick respite. “I’m trying to drink responsibly since I’m the one in charge in there, but every screech and scream and squeal makes me want to break out a bottle of brandy so I can celebrate that I survived each one.”

“So that’s why you’re out here?”

“Yep.” I take a sip of my beer, wishing it were said brandy.

“I thought maybe it had to do with what Justin asked you. You really haven’t had much time to think about it.”

But she’s wrong because that’s all I’ve done. In fact, I can’t get it off my mind.

The pros.

The cons.

The what-ifs.

And pretty much every other thing in between.

“I’ve been thinking about it, but not today. Today’s about the girls, and I want to be present for every single second of it. With Brittney bailing on them and thinking a two-minute phone call was more than enough, with my mom and little sister unable to come because of her hip surgery, and with Vivian being on location in England, I feel like I need to make up for everyone and everything.”

“You’re doing a great job. The smiles on their faces and the laughter that has rung out all day long shows it.”

“Thanks. It never feels like enough, you know? Besides, I know at some point they won’t want to throw parties where their dad is present, so I need to soak it up while I can.”

“Very true.” She presses a kiss to the side of my shoulder. “Well, like I said before, I’m here if you want to talk it all out.”

I hadn’t realized how much Brittney and I didn’t speak about our lives, about anything above and beyond our day-to-day, until I told Tenny about my conversation with Justin.

It felt good to talk to someone, even if all she did was sit there, hold my hand, and listen.

Having Tenny do that revealed a stark reminder of how isolated I’d become in the aftermath of Brittney leaving and being shot. It reinforced that back then, Justin was the one I confided in more than anyone, and how after the incident, I lost my sounding board when I pulled away from him.

I didn’t realize how much I’d been flying solo until I talked to Tenny. It felt good too. Vital. The fact that I opened up showed me how much I trust her. And this time with her, this piece of quiet we carved out right now, in the midst of the chaos going on around us, is even more important.

“There’s something about watching the sunset that’s relaxing to me.”

“Agreed. When I first moved here . . . when I was figuring stuff out, I used to sit and watch them every night. Just me and Hani and a glass of wine. The way I look at it, no matter how shitty the day was, the sunset was proof that even a bad day could end in beauty.”

“Says the book editor who always has a way with her words,” I murmur, loving when she rests her head on my shoulder. There’s something about the simple action that moves me. Maybe it’s the ease with which she does it after being with someone who did who knows what to her.

I’m glad I can give that to her.

“I wonder what they wished for?” she murmurs quietly, almost as if we’re afraid to disrupt the show Mother Nature is putting on with the pinks and the oranges owning the horizon.

“The girls?”

“Yeah. When they blew out their candles. I used to wish for the most ridiculous things. A pony for two years straight. Pointe shoes another. For Scott Lundy to kiss me after school. For Becky Decker to move away since she’s who Scott Lundy liked.”

I burst out laughing and press a kiss to her head. “I’m glad to see you had your priorities.”

“Those were priorities back then. I mean securing first kisses were very important.”

“Let’s just hope that’s not what the girls wished for,” I say and then fall quiet because I know exactly what they wished for.

I walked into the kitchen to grab more plates and overheard them whispering feverishly. Typically, I would have passed right by, but this time I stopped because I wanted to make sure their party was going okay and that there was no drama happening that I was missing.

“Okay. So you wish for us to move here permanently so we don’t have to leave Tenny or our friends, and I’ll wish for Tenny to move to Chicago with us,” Paige says quietly.