Page 44 of Out of Control

But there’s more than just sex here. The words come out of nowhere and fuck with my head even more. Luckily, I’m astute enough to not speak them aloud.

If only my family wasn’t so overbearing. If only I was brave enough to take what I really want—him. If only I wasn’t . . . so chickenshit.

“You don’t deserve to be caught up in my issues,” I say.

“But I can be tangled in your sheets. Yep. Got it.” His smile pulls tight, the muscle pulses in his jaw, and hurt—is it hurt?—flashes through those stormy eyes of his.

My chest aches as my mouth goes dry.

“I deserve that,” I whisper. It is hurt. What does that mean?

“Nah. You deserve a whole helluva lot better than that.” He leans in closer, his lips a whisper from mine. I can feel the warmth of his breath. Can smell the scent of his cologne. Can almost taste his kiss.

I dart my tongue out to wet my lips. I don’t dare talk because anything I say right now would be a lie, and doesn’t he at least deserve better than that? If I’m going to be the chickenshit, the one who can’t cut the ties with her family, then it shouldn’t be at the expense of hurting him.

But it was. It is. And I don’t know how to right that wrong. Or maybe I do but I don’t have the courage yet.

Unable to resist, I reach out and run a hand down his cheek. It’s my apology. It’s my punishment.

He steps back, but his voice is a low growl. “Fuck your pedigree, Sofia. If you want me like your eyes say you do and like your lies pretend you don’t? Next time you call my name? Don’t. Fucking. Hesitate.”

Without a second look, he waltzes away and back toward the party. The door opens, and I’m met with a rush of sound that stops just as soon as it begins when it closes behind him.

I stand there staring, wanting to chase after him but not sure exactly why. While his words hurt, they’re true. They’re raw and honest and—

Another rush of music as the door pushes open again. I turn immediately toward the skyline to act like I wasn’t just out here looking after Rossi.

“Sof?” Maddix calls out, followed by footsteps. “You good?”

I straighten and turn with a smile plastered on my lips. “Yeah.” Fake it till you make it, right? “I’m fine. Why, what’s up? What did I miss?” I ask, trying not to oversell with fakeness.

But my heart is racing, and that ache is there with a vengeance.

Before Maddix can make it the short distance to me, the door opens again and we both turn to see Cruz standing there, looking from her to me and then back. “You guys good? Party’s inside.” He hooks a thumb over his shoulder.

“Yes. God. I’m fine. What is it with you?” I snap at him.

“I saw Rossi storm in. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he says. “Just stay away from him.”

I think Maddix and I tsk at the same damn time. No doubt we might have the same expressions on our faces if I’m reading the one on his correctly.

“You’re the one who invited him,” I say.

“He’s my teammate.”

“Well then, don’t get mad if I talk to the guy.” I lift my eyebrows in challenge.

“There are plenty of other people you can talk to here that aren’t him.”

“What is your fucking problem?” I shout at my brother, fed up with men inferring that I don’t have any choices. Maddix’s eyes grow big and she winces, but she doesn’t interfere and for that, I’m grateful. “I’m so over people telling me what I can and can’t do.”

I go to push past him and he steps in my path. “Sofia.”

“No.” I throw my hands up to get him away from me. “Just no. I’ll talk with who I want to talk with. I’ll dance with who I want to dance with. I’ll—”

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks.

“You. That’s who,” I shout back but know it’s so much more than that as I yank open the door and head back to the party.