Page 131 of On The Edge

I stand there in front of him. He’s like an impenetrable wall so full of scars and seams that he doesn’t realize I’m standing here knocking, begging for him to let me in.

“Then that’s it? All of this and we’re left with nothing?” I throw my hands up.

“Isn’t that what it always was? Fun? Nothing? A ruse that let us play pretend until reality set in?”

“At first, yes. But not . . . not after, no.” I step forward, lean over, and press a kiss to the side of his cheek. I hiccup over the sob, but he doesn’t flinch in the slightest. “I love you, Cross Navarro. I love you for everything you are and for everything no one sees.” I stand back up with tear-blurred eyes. “You’re letting her win. You’re letting him win. Pretty ironic for a man who has spent his own life chasing each and every victory.” I take a step back. “And yet you don’t choose to chase me.”

I turn on my heel. It takes everything I have to put one foot in front of the other and walk away, stepping over the pieces of my heart shattered on the floor at his feet.

But I do.

I pack my bags.

I stand at the door and watch him staring at the television frozen in time.

I whisper goodbye.

And when the jet takes off and we fly over the city that has been my home for several months, I press my hand to the glass of the window and say, “I’ll always love you.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

Cruz

The jet rumbles in my chest as I stand on the outskirts of the fencing and watch it take off.

As I watch the only woman I’ve ever loved, leave me.

My chest aches in a way I never knew was possible.

In a way that tells me I’m clearly not the man she thinks I am.

In a way that shows me I’m not the one I thought I could be either.

“You’re letting her win. You’re letting him win. Pretty ironic for a man who has spent his own life chasing each and every victory. And yet you don’t choose to chase me.”

She’s not wrong. But victory on a track takes a very different set of skills and determination. I understand those. I live those.

“Goodbye, Madds,” I whisper as I watch the jet become a speck in the sky. “I love you.”

I love you so much it hurts.

I love you so much I’m letting you go.

I made a promise to your father.

One I am keeping.

Because I can’t give you what you need right now. And what you deserve is the world and every fucking thing in it.

How can I promise you the world when I struggle to hand over my heart?

I clench my fingers through the chain-link fence and then turn and walk away.

Back to my condo that smells like her.

To my kitchen that has her lipstick stain on a wineglass.

To my balcony where her suntan lotion lays on its side.