Page 96 of Final Proposal

I pause for a beat. “Yeah. I think so.”

“You think so? Now, that sounds convincing.”

“No. It’s . . . I don’t know what it is.”

“Has it run its course? I mean, that happens sometimes. No shame in that.”

“No—”

“Is it just like a project fling? I’ve had a few of those. A little fun while you’re on-site that ends when your job there ends.”

“That’s not it. It’s—”

“Just sex. A good bang but no verbal agreement on the monogamy side. If that’s the case, man, make sure you jacket up. I mean, always jacket up but—”

“Goddamn it, will you let me get a fucking word in edgewise?” I shout at him, frustrated that of all the scenarios he’s painted, none of them describe what Ellery and I have.

“Or there’s a lot more there and either one or both of you are too chickenshit to just come out and say it. Or you have and the other isn’t sure how they feel about it—which is fucking brutal to say the least.”

“Callahan,” I warn, my voice steely as I pinch the bridge of my nose and begin to pace the small and newly landscaped garden area on the western side of the property.

“Then there’s the chance that you just flat-out love her or she loves you . . . and you don’t know what to do about it because love wasn’t on either of your radars.”

My feet falter.

I know the answer. I think I’ve known for quite some time.

It still doesn’t mean it doesn’t stagger me.

I stand there with my phone to my ear and the ocean before me, but I don’t see a single thing in front of me.

“Sometimes it just happens when you least expect it,” Callahan says, his voice softening. I don’t have to speak or explain or refute, because he’s my brother. He already knows. “It was the last thing on my radar, that’s for fucking sure, and then it hit me like a sledgehammer. That I—selfish, egotistical, asshole Callahan—was in love with someone.”

“I didn’t say a word,” I finally manage.

“You don’t have to. I know, brother. I know,” he says in quiet commiseration.

“Fuck.” I run a hand through my hair.

The woman had a silent freak-out when I asked her if she wanted to sleep in my room for a few nights. I don’t exactly think falling in love with me was part of her plans.

But it wasn’t mine either and look what happened.

“If I can give you one piece of advice—and I know it’s hard to hear coming from your little brother, but just listen and use what you want. You can’t force love. You either feel it or you don’t. And not acknowledging it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. But once you put it out there, you can’t exactly take it back. You have to live with the consequences of it. Maybe you tell her once you’ve wrapped your head around it. Maybe you don’t tell her at all. Maybe you wait for her to come to you. The worst thing in the world is to give someone your love and for them to shun it. That hurts like a motherfucker.”

My smile is faint. “Look at you. When did you become an expert on this shit?”

He chuckles. “I haven’t. No one’s an expert when it comes to love. That’s the beauty and the pain of it.”

“I’ve gotta get going.”

“No, you don’t. You’re going to stand wherever you are for the next ten minutes and try to analyze and then refute but eventually accept what I’ve just said. That’s how you are, but I’ll let you lying to me about it slide.” He pauses. “Ford? This is what I meant. We’re always here for each other, a unified front. We help each other when we need to. It sucks not having you be a part of this with us.”

“Noted, man. Noted.”

“Love you, bro.”

The call ends and I stay where I am for a good few minutes. Or as Callahan stated, ten minutes there about.