Page 70 of Last Resort

“I’m sure he is, but you resisted the other night, right? You kissed and made out and there is something to be said for that in and of itself. The intimacy. The vulnerability. So take that as a small victory and then I say make him keep working for those moments. Make him think of you as a potent drug too. Truth be told, I think he already does.”

“I disagree.”

“He’s still coming around, Sutton, when other guys would have been long gone. To be honest, in this short amount of time, he’s brought out a confidence in you that I haven’t seen in forever. There’s something to be said for that. So don’t let this lapse in him taking a step back—in regrouping—deter you. You need to keep that confidence going. You need to tease and flirt and really believe that no matter how good he is, you’re worth more.”

“Lizzy . . .” She’s right. I know she’s right, and yet I hate this sudden feeling of uncertainty, as if I’m in over my head.

“Sexual frustration is the best foreplay there is. Make him think about you, daydream about you, be desperate for you.”

“Isn’t that just playing a game when the end result is a foregone conclusion?”

“You were already playing the game so what’s the difference? I say it’s more of letting him know your worth.”

“What happened to Ms. You-Can-Have-Sex-Without-Strings?”

“She’s still here. It’s still a good option. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to value the experience.” She falls quiet. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with cock-teasing the hell out of him while you see how he is with other people there. That’ll be your real judge of whether he’ll guard the secrecy of your sexcapades.”

I close my eyes and let the breeze tickle over my cheeks as I think about Lizzy and her advice and my desire to sleep with Callahan again. The silence stretches as I mull over everything she’s just said. The truth in it. The truth I need to own.

“You like him, don’t you,” she says softly.

I give a half laugh. “I do, Lizzy. More than I expected to and I don’t know if it’s too soon after Clint or just because he’s so different than him . . . but I do and . . .” And I fear Callahan Sharpe has more of a chance of hurting me emotionally than Clint ever did.

How is that even possible?

Maybe that’s my hesitation.

“I know you do. I’ve read it in your texts. I can hear it in your voice. And I want you to hear me when I say to you, there’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing. Sometimes the right people are put in your path when you need them the most. Maybe Callahan is that right person.”

“You know I feel like an idiot, right? That I’m in like with my one-night rebound stand?”

“Worse things could happen. Like you like him first and then find out the sex is terrible.” She laughs. “That would be a bummer.”

“True. Very true.” I emit a long sigh. “So now what? Do I just let go of the whole what’s in it for me thing?” I ask, suddenly feeling stupid and juvenile for even suggesting it to Callahan. I know I panicked and was trying to keep my morality in check.

“Absolutely not. He needs to answer the question because he needs to think about stuff like that. And honestly, it doesn’t matter if he does or doesn’t figure out the answer. What matters is that you figure it out, Sutton, because it’s a question you should ask yourself of every situation, relationship, anything that you’re in. Even if the answer is simply to feel good.”

“But—”

“But nothing,” she scolds. “The answer is probably going to change too, and that’s okay. What you’re looking for one day might be different than what you’re wanting to get out of something two weeks from now. You’re the keeper of that secret answer and the mover of that bar, so it’s no one’s business if you’ve moved it, okay?”

My head swims with the truth in her words and the desire to find again that confidence I came here with. I let one man take it from me before. I will not let another one do it again simply because I may have given too much information about my past. Is that what’s happening here? Am I hearing Clint’s voice in my ear, goading me, suggesting no other man will want me because of where I come from? Who I am? No. Lizzy’s right. Even if Callahan has moved on, I will not believe it’s because I’m not worthy of his interest. His loss. And if he is still interested? I will keep flirting, because why the hell not?

“Thank you for the pep talk, the cheerleading, and the advice.”

“Any time. You know that.” The affection in her voice makes me feel loved. “Do me one favor, though?”

“Of course. Yes.”

“Don’t leave that chair you’re swinging in until you figure out the answer to your question and the first rung for that bar to sit at. Remember, it can move at any time and that’s perfectly fine.”

“Okay.”

“And then make sure whenever the time comes, when you decide that he’s met that bar, that when you fuck his brains out, you call me and let me know how incredible it was. I need to know when I gloat that I was right.”

“That’s two favors.”

I can hear her laugh as she hangs up. The smile on my lips remains for some time after as I think about the conversation and her advice.