Page 91 of Hard to Love

I miss him. But I also need to win for him. After all the years of sacrifice, of time, of direction, of praise, of coaching . . . of loving me. This win needs to be for him. I’ll regret it if I don’t get my butt into gear and win the US Open for my dad.

And yet, that also makes me see what else I regret.

I should have told Finn that I love him. That this could work somehow.

I miss Finn too.

I sniff the tears away as Angel walks into the room with her cheerful greeting and heaven-sent hands.

After the Open.

I need to do what I came here to do first.

Win my dad’s favorite tournament. For the first man in the world I loved. To honor him.

STEVIE

THE LOCKER ROOM IS SILENT.

Silent except for the noise in my head that won’t shut up. The little tweaks I need to make. Martina’s game plan in how she approaches matches. But I welcome the noise because it’s so much better than the quiet I’ve been struggling with these past few days.

“There is a text I think you need to see,” Kellen says, interrupting my thoughts as I watch Hayley hand him my phone.

I’m about to snap at him because he knows better than to pull me out of my preparation-for-match mode, but the look on his face stops me.

“You need to see this,” he says as I take my phone from him.

My heart flips in my chest when I see that it’s from Finn. Even more when I read the words.

Finn: I thought this might help you today.

And when I push play on the video, the tears just come. One after another after another until they hit my smiling lips. It’s a video montage of my dad saying, “Game on, Stevester.” It looks like it’s every time the television cameras captured Dad, from when I was around twelve, on a high school sports channel, up until my last game with him in my box.

He has his beloved red hat on, and I get to hear his voice over and over in his distinctly raspy voice there.

When it ends, I watch it again. This time the tears dry sooner and my smile grows a little bit wider.

He brought him to me. Finn gave me my dad in the final match of the tournament I promised him I’d win.

My hands are shaking as I try to type.

Me: Thank you. This means the world to me.

I hit send, holding tight to the phone as if it were his hand.

Finn: Just like you mean to me.

I stare at his text, my hope bubbling up in a way I never thought it could. In a way that has my breath catching and my heart racing.

Me: Meaning?

“Meaning I’ve been missing you like crazy, and I think we need to figure out how to not make me miss you.”

I stare at my phone, so very afraid to look up and hope that it’s him, here in the flesh, even though I know it is.

There are footsteps—as Kellen’s and Hayley’s leave the room and as Finn’s come into view in front of me.

“Important firsts are supposed to be noted so let’s take note of this one.” Finn’s fingers find my chin and lift it up so that I’m forced to look into those gorgeous eyes of his. And what I see in them is exactly how I feel reflected back at me. “I’m in love with you, Stevie Lancaster. Ridiculously in love with you when I’m not a man who believes in love at all.”