Page 84 of Hard to Love

The tears begin. They begin when I don’t want them to. They continue when I realize it feels so damn good to let it all out. And they fall even harder until I’m all cried out and exhausted and then, Finn picks me up like I’m weightless and carries me to bed.

STEVIE

THE NIGHT BREEZE IS COOL against my skin.

Finn’s body is warm as I snuggle into him. My nose is under the curve of his jaw, and I find an odd comfort in the scrape of his stubble every time his chest rises and falls.

His arms tighten around me, his breath even in my ear, and I relish the relaxing sounds of the ocean muted through the closed slider door.

Here, I feel safe.

Here, I feel taken care of.

Here, I—

I startle awake, not ready for the dream to end just yet but when I do wake, I realize it isn’t a dream this time.

This time I’m really lying in Finn’s bed, in his arms, where now I remember he held me as I cried myself to sleep.

I broke down, broke apart, and he held me so the pieces that fell were able to be pieced back together when I was done.

My breath is shaky when I inhale because I’m petrified that I’m going to move, that he’s going to wake up. And that when he does, he’ll realize he brought me to his bed and freak out.

I press a kiss to his chest and close my eyes, trying to memorize the feel of his heart beating beneath my lips, the sound of him breathing, the scent of his skin . . . every single thing about him.

The tears fall again, this time silently, but for such very different reasons than before. This time it’s because I’ve never let myself get so close to someone, to fall for someone, and now that I have, it’s over.

I contemplate waking him up just so I can hear his voice and commit that sleepy rumble to memory too. But I know I’d be waking him up because every part of me wants to ask him to go with me.

To head to New York with me.

But he has a life he’s put aside long enough for me.

It’s time to let him live it.

Besides, the last thing he wants is to be with someone whose life is followed by cameras all the time and whose every move and business is reported somewhere, somehow.

So I feel sorry for myself and let the tears fall, as I breathe him in as long as I can.

STEVIE

“HONEY, I’M HOME,” I SAY as I walk into the house, well aware it’s the last time I’m going to say it.

Even worse, there is no response. The usual banter from Finn isn’t there.

I suddenly get emotional over its absence.

See? What’s sentimental to you doesn’t even matter to him.

But as soon as the thought passes through my mind, I see the box on the counter with a card on top that says “Open me, Stevie.”

“What the . . .” I murmur as I tear open the card and then bark out a laugh when I read what’s inside.

Cards O’ Fun

Put this dress on and meet me upstairs in an hour.

My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard as I open the box to find a gorgeous, sparkly red dress along with a more than sexy pair of strappy heels.