Page 63 of Hard to Love

The one I’d like to be lathering up with my own hands.

And then it hits me.

I have a woman living under my roof who makes me think dirty thoughts as much as I enjoy talking to her.

Well, almost as much.

A woman who asked about my day when she didn’t have to.

A woman who I felt compelled to give a valid reason as to why I cheated on a good woman like Chase Kincade.

A woman I enjoy sparring with, sharing life with, who challenges me on every level.

One of these days, son, you’re going to learn that life is so much more fun when you have someone by your side.

Maybe Carson is right—all women aren’t like my mother.

Maybe it’s time to call the noise my dad put in my head bullshit.

To acknowledge that women shouldn’t be used and discarded.

Because Stevie Lancaster is a woman who should never be used nor discarded.

And that realization scares the fuck out of me.

STEVIE

THE BIKINI I CHOSE TO wear wasn’t without thought.

It’s bright yellow and hugs me perfectly in all the right places while showcasing all of the other ones I want to be showcased.

Especially after that long cold shower where I imagined the hands soaping up my breasts and between my legs were Finn’s and not mine.

Jesus, the man can get me riled up in every sort of way.

He walked away from my kiss once.

He left after we had sex.

Yes, that was mutual and probably for the best, so why can’t I get the man out of my mind?

I’m curious though, where is he going to go now that we’re all but living together in his house?

I saw him look at me. I know he wants me just as badly as I want him . . . so what’s holding him back?

“I learned a long time ago not to get personal with clients.”

But has that changed?

I don’t want to resort to the same tactics as before, because I pursued him out of spite—anger—but does he want me? Are things different now? Am I different now?

I mess with my hair a bit more, trying to see if up or down is better, and I realize I’m feeling a bit more like myself than I have in the longest of times. Confident in myself.

The interview went great—I said what I needed to say—and I’ve since removed all social media from my phone so I could shut out the chatter. I don’t care what Mary Johnson has said in response. My father’s lawyer has confirmed that there was nothing in his will that earmarked funds for the woman or even acknowledged her existence.

And considering my father made sure to have my management situation spelled out with Carson, I’m sure if Mary were a concern, he would have done the same.

So to me, that situation is done and over with.