Page 83 of Hard to Lose

I glance over to her. Praise is rare from Ellie, kind words about me even more so, so I just stare at her and narrow my eyes. “You feeling okay?”

“Yes. No. I just thought you ought to know you’ve done good here with this place.”

“Ellie, don’t tell me you’re leaving me,” I say as panic fills me.

She laughs and swats at my arm. “Don’t be silly. Although I may leave you for Chase if she comes through with that sponsorship she’s talked about,” she teases.

“No shit,” I say with a shake of my head. “It’s pretty incredible. I wouldn’t even know how to go about finding opportunities like that.”

“Apparently she does,” Ellie says and walks to the mini-fridge in the corner of the office and grabs a water. “Lucky for us.”

I nod. “Definitely.”

“So what are you going to do when she leaves?” Ellie asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, let’s address the elephant in the room. She’s made no secret that her time here is short-lived, so, head-over-heels boy, what are you going to do then?”

“Head-over-heels boy?” I laugh.

“Well . . .” She lifts her eyebrows.

“That’s implying more than I’d like to admit at this point in time.”

“That’s such bullshit and you know it. You’ve fallen for her—and I can see why. She’s gorgeous and intelligent and has a great sense of humor. What’s not to love? But she’s leaving, Gunner. She never had any intention of staying and has been upfront about that. So what does that mean for you? How does that affect you?”

I stare out the window and twist my lips, knowing she’s right. “Isn’t that fucking life, though? Nothing is ever perfect. You have to take what you can get, enjoy it while you can, and just be fucking grateful that you even get the chance to experience it.” I step back and look at Ellie. “Will it sting like a bitch? Yes. Undoubtedly. But at the same time, is that sting enough of a deterrent to push away the good while I have the chance at it? No. I’ve lost a lot of people, and the one thing I’ve learned is to enjoy them while you can. Love them while you can. That way you can’t say you regretted not laying it all out on the table while you could.”

“No regrets.”

“Exactly. No regrets. So . . . I’m going to cram as much as I can in these next few weeks. Fun dates and slow kisses and great sex and laughter. All of it. And then when Chase leaves, I’ll be sad, but I’ll know I left it all on the table.”

“You wouldn’t try to make a go of the long-distance thing?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I see it through the skewed lens of deployment and how it rarely works.”

“Um . . . it works.” She raises her hand. “We were able to manage. Lots of people do. There just has to be trust and honesty between the two of you.”

“Chase is the most brutally honest person I know, so at least we have that going for us.” For some reason I think of her bed bug story, the expletives that flew from her mouth during it, and chuckle. “I don’t know, Ell. It’s not something we’ve talked about. I think we’re both just trying to enjoy each other as much as we can, while we can, and figure we’ll worry about that when the time comes.”

“Avoidance at all costs. I like that in a plan.”

We both laugh and finish closing The Center for the evening, but there’s something that sticks with me as I do it, as well as on the drive home. I just openly admitted that I’ve fallen for Chase Kincade.

It’s one thing to admit it to myself, it’s another to acknowledge out loud to someone else who can make my life miserable by teasing me every time they see me.

Or just knowing about it in general.

But when I pull up to my house and see the lights on inside, I can’t help but feel content. Happy. Anticipatory.

It’s weird and wonderful and new to have someone to come home to. A warm greeting when you walk in the door. A soft hum of the TV in the background acknowledging someone is there. The subtle scent of her perfume tickling your nose.

But she’s leaving, Gunner. So what does that mean for you?

As I open the front door, I shove away Ellie’s comments. I’m here, getting to experience this when guys like Dickman and Shotgun aren’t.

I’ll take the hurt in order to experience the bliss.