Page 68 of Hard to Lose

As my anger turns to fear, and my fear turns to the understanding that the truth is going to hurt him.

I can’t hurt this man in front of me. He’s too good. Too selfless. Hurt enough already.

Whatever this is between us will be over.

And then I’ll have to leave him.

Fuck.

“Chase? Talk to me.” Concern reverberates in his voice, his breath feathering over my lips as his eyes search mine, asking for answers I don’t think I’m ready to give now.

“It’s nothing. No ghost.” I shake my head a little to knock some sense into me and give a half-hearted chuckle to sell it. “I promise.”

He didn’t lie to me.

He doesn’t deserve to be hurt or to know about the deception.

“I was—I was just excited.”

“About?”

“Um. About. We have a family friend who announces baseball games for one of the networks. I talked to him earlier about ways we might be able to get a major league club to help sponsor The Center. New equipment, team uniforms, maybe some extra funding. He and his wife have a foundation that helps out underprivileged youth so I thought he would be the one to ask.” Breathe, Chase. You’re overexplaining like a little kid who’s lying.

“Are you kidding me?” he asks, his eyes wide, his smile growing to megawatt proportions before he scoops me up in his arms, spins me around, and presses one of his knee-melting kisses on me. “That’s incredible. Fantastic. I don’t even know what to say or how to thank you or—”

“Nothing’s happened yet,” I caution with a laugh. This time when his lips find mine, I’m less caught by surprise. I’m so much more aware of how he makes me feel. Of how much he has become to me in such a short space of time.

So I deepen the kiss. Try to get lost in it, in him, to the point that I’m trying to apologize to him through a kiss without him having a clue. It’s all I have. All I can manage.

“Woah,” he says when the kiss ends, and he gently lowers me so my feet touch the ground. Our gazes hold, and I pray that he can’t see the tears I’m fighting back. He narrows his eyes as I hold my breath. “You sure you’re okay?”

Other than the fact that I’m not who you think I am? Sure. Perfectly fine.

“Of course.” I clear my throat, needing a reason to explain the emotion he can clearly see. “I was just excited about it all, and happened to be driving by on my way to the coffee shop to work, and—”

“You figured you’d stop and tell me?” he finishes for me.

“Something like that,” I say and then take a step back. “I’m sorry. I should have called. You’re clearly on the way out the door—”

“I’m heading to FU-Bar to meet with a supplier, but don’t ever apologize for stopping by with such great news or for no reason at all.” He reaches out and brushes the back of his hand down the side of my cheek, his smile softening, his eyes darkening.

“What?” I murmur.

“You called in a favor to help the kids. Do you have any idea what that means to me?” I swallow over the lump in my throat and shake my head, as words are eaten by the guilt. “You’re amazing. Absolutely amazing.” He brushes his lips over mine one more time before saying goodbye and heading to the bar.

I’m left sitting in my car staring at his tail lights as guilt eats me whole.

Where was your normal Chase Kincade assertiveness? Where was your take-no-prisoners attitude?

Where was my honesty?

Now he thinks I’m a way better person than I actually am.

If there is one thing that has been highlighted over and over since I’ve been in Destiny Falls, it’s this: he is selfless.

And I’ve just proven that I’m the direct opposite.

And I have no clue how to repair that additional lie.