Page 101 of Hard to Lose

“Okay. I’m going to leave you alone and tell the rest of the staff you’re on some calls negotiating and not to bother you.” I nod but keep my eyes on my screen. “And I’m going to tell you that I know it’s not something you want to hear right now, but know this—heartbreak sucks. It hurts and it feels like you’re broken. But when the smoke clears, you’ll be able to take something from it that will make you a better and stronger person somehow. And even simpler than that is the notion that every heartbreak brings you one step closer to the one who was meant for you.”

“I can’t do this right now,” I repeat, my voice hoarse, my heart aching.

“I know.” The chair squeaks as she gets up from it. “I love you, and you know I’m here for you if you need me.”

“Thanks.”

When the door clicks behind her, I let out a shuddered breath as the first tear slips over.

But I only allow myself one.

I can’t do this.

I won’t do this.

I repeat the same thing I’ve said to myself ever since I left Destiny Falls and Gunner behind.

My heartbreak was inevitable.

Regardless if he knew the real me or not, I was still leaving. There was still no future when it came to us.

And still, a piece of me was holding on to the possibility. A possibility that I could have told Gunner every detail before he found out the way he did. That if I had been able to do that, I’d have had the chance to tell him how falling in love with him completely crushed me—because of my lies between us. I’d give anything to have not hurt Gunner. To have not sent him running from me.

A bigger piece of me was hoping that love could conquer all. Because sadly, my sister was wrong.

When the smoke clears, there’s nothing I’ll be able to take from this pain. Gunner is the one who made me a better and stronger person. And now he’s gone.

CHAPTER FORTY

Gunner

“Just call her.”

I look over at Ellie and sigh. She’s leaning back in the office chair with her feet up on the desk and her eyes on me.

“Why should I even give her a chance to explain herself?”

“Why should you not?” she counters.

“What is it with you?” I’m irritated and hate that for the last week all she’s done is grill me on this. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side? Aren’t you supposed to be telling me what she did was shitty and shady and that you understand how I feel?”

“She was shady and shitty and I do understand how you feel, but man . . . what I saw between the two of you was real. It was clear as day.”

Her words punch me in the gut because I felt the same way. I thought what we had was real too.

Ellie has no idea how many sleepless nights I’ve had since Chase left. How many nights I’ve picked apart our every interaction, looking for any evidence from our time together that proves that what we had wasn’t real.

I couldn’t though, other than the obvious.

And that makes the knife cut that much deeper.

“But real isn’t built on lies. Real is built on honesty and trust and being straightforward.”

She nods and twists her lips. “It is.”

“She came here looking for the old me to use.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe she was going to exploit war hero Ryan for her own good. Maybe she wasn’t. The problem is you don’t know if she was or wasn’t because you never gave her a chance to explain why she was searching for you in the first place. And you sure as shit haven’t done anything more than delete her texts or messages.”