Page 9 of Hard to Hold

“Of course not.”

That hesitation before she says the three words tells me, it does. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. It was a screwup on my part—definitely—so now I’ve been relegated to window-dressing duty?

“Because if I’m being punished for him then you should all be punished for the last client you lost too.”

“This isn’t a you thing or a me thing, Lenn. This is a decision by Dad. Maybe he thinks you’ve been running full bore for so long you need to step back and not be stretched so thin.” She mutters a curse word. “God forbid Dad assumed you could use a little time off to . . .” But when her voice drifts off and she struggles finding the right words to say, I can’t help but superimpose their words with her silence and know what they said holds merit.

But there are two things that bug me about the conversation more than anything.

My family knows I like to roam. To be in new places, new towns, and when I’m not, I get restless. Being somewhere new calms my restlessness. I’m sure a therapist would have a field day with the reasons why—she still searches for her mom in every crowd, being in New York reminds her what she’s lost—and while they might have a point, I’ll never admit it.

But for my dad to say I might want to stay home for a bit and use that as an excuse, doesn’t sit right with me. He knows me. He knows this is what I thrive on.

The second thing that eats at me?

Chase is my sister, the one I’ve typically always been the closest with out of the three, so doesn’t she realize that I know her?

And I know more than anything that she’s lying right now.

CHAPTER TWO

LENNOX

I STARE AT THE DEPARTURES board, hands in my pockets, and an unsettled feeling owns me more than I’d like to admit.

The closing lecture of the conference was the last thing I wanted to attend this morning.

So I didn’t. Instead, I had a few meetings with the potential clients I had noted in my binder and now, here I stand, way too tired after too many sleepless hours. Hours where I overthought what Finn and his gang of pricks said, about my conversation with Chase, and recalling the things that have happened here and there over the past months that now I look at with a different perspective.

Feeling hurt isn’t anything new to me, but when it stems from those I love, it stings more.

Self-reflection doesn’t exactly ease what I’m feeling either, but maybe it’s called for here. I can’t trust Chase to be frank with me, and Finn is an asshole. But is there some truth to what he said? Do I pass up opportunities if I feel one of my sisters could do a better job? Yes, but some of that is because it’s one of our strengths as a family business to do that. But is that the only reason?

Do I doubt myself and hide behind my looks? Maybe it’s time to test that out.

So with my cell phone in my back pocket burning from too many unanswered texts from Chase, I stare at the departures board and long to be somewhere else than where I need to be.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

I play a random game of it, visually moving from city to city with each word of the nursery rhyme like I always do, but for some reason, this time around when I land on Los Angeles, I smile.

Sunshine, sand, palm trees, and Johnny.

Johnny.

My smile widens at the thought of one of my oldest friends.

But Johnny makes me think of soccer and how he used to play in college, and soccer makes me think of the MLS offer, and the MLS offer makes me think of all the crap that was said last night.

I glance at the departures board, my teeth worrying my bottom lip between them for a few seconds, while I ponder my colliding thoughts.

Los Angeles.

Johnny.

A change.

A little avoidance in not going back to New York for a while to deal with my family.