Page 126 of Hard to Hold

LENNOX

“DAD? WHAT ARE YOU DOING here?” I ask when I see him standing on my doorstep.

“Figured I’d come and see if your suitcases were packed,” he says as he walks into my place.

“Suitcases?” I ask.

“You’re getting restless again,” he says with a soft smile. “I figured you’d be itching to go somewhere.”

“Suitcases are still stacked empty in the closet.” I motion in a sweeping gesture around my family room.

“Why?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask as he takes a seat on my couch.

“You’re not happy. You wander when you’re not happy.”

Out of reflex I reach up and finger the charm on my necklace. “It’s not that I’m not happy. It’s just that I’m . . .”

“Scared.”

“Scared?” I cough the word out. “Scared of what?”

“Of showing up in England with your bags packed, and finding out he’s not as in love with you as you and your family thinks he is. Of telling us you’re going there and worrying that we’ll think you’re crazy. Of doing what you need to do out of your loyalty for the company.”

I stare at my dad, slowly realizing I’m nodding at everything he’s saying.

“It’s okay to love him, Lennox. I’d never be mad at you for loving him. What I’d be mad at is if you didn’t follow through to see if it’s real.” He leans forward and picks up a framed picture on my end table of me with my mom before she died. “What I’d hate is for you to look back on this moment in ten, fifteen, twenty years, and wonder what if.”

“What are you telling me, Dad?” So many thoughts and hopes are colliding inside of me.

“I’m not telling you anything. I’m sitting here waiting to listen to what you have to tell me.”

“Who said I have something to tell you?” I ask, amazed that he knows.

“The way you hang around the conference room a little longer waiting for your sisters to leave but they never do. The way you come in early only to find one of the girls have too.” He sets the picture down. “So, what is it that you want to tell me?”

“You’re right, I’m restless.”

He nods in response.

“And miserable.” I twist my fingers together. “I can work from anywhere, really. That’s the beauty of this job. And so, what if I head to the UK for a bit to play this out and see if this thing between us is legitimate? Like it’s actually real and stronger now that we’re back to our everyday lives versus the bubble of Johnny’s house.”

“Go on.”

“And if it is, if things with Rush just keep getting better . . . isn’t it time KSM opens a satellite office somewhere? There’s a whole market we’ve yet to tackle over there. I’ve done some research that I can send over to you. Data on the number of players, the other agents I’d be competing against. Of course, I’d keep my current caseload. It would give me an excuse to come home and see you guys often and . . .” My words fade off and I stop talking, as I suddenly feel shy now that I’m voicing the silly fantasy I’ve been concocting every night when I go to bed.

That I’d call Rory and he’d tell me where to find Rush. That way I could show up in Liverpool or wherever Rush lives undetected. I’d surprise him and we’d still be so madly in love that we’d vow never to part. I’d open a small office and would work my way into the football industry there until KSM has a foothold in that market.

“You’re not responding, Dad.”

“What happens if you get there and set up shop and get restless again? You’d be the person in charge there. It’s a lot harder to run when you have that level of responsibility, Lenn.”

“I won’t run.”

“And how do you know this?”

“Because I found my home in Rush, Dad. He’s the one who quiets my restlessness.”