Page 124 of Hard to Hold

I shrug, because I don’t trust my voice at first. “Probably in passing somewhere.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because that’s who we are.”

“And who is that? Two people who seem to be perfect together but are too goddamn stubborn to admit it?”

“That sounds about right.”

“Then do something about it.”

I lean back in my chair and look out at the city below. The hustle and bustle of Manhattan never ceases to amaze me regardless of the time of day or the weather.

“I don’t know. I’m feeling a little restless. I might head to Chicago for a few weeks for the draft. See what I can see there. Maybe engage in a little retail therapy.”

Her silence remains until I look back toward her. “You just got here, though.”

“Three weeks ago.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Do you talk?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“That sounded enthusiastic.”

“You know how it is. When you’re together, you share the same world so your conversations make sense. When you’re apart it’s like you’re on an island trying to describe what it’s like so the other one understands.”

“That made absolutely no fucking sense.” She laughs.

“At what point are you just talking and calling and responding simply so you don’t hurt the other person’s feelings?”

“You’ve moved on that fast that you’re already feeling obligated to respond?” she asks.

And the answer is no, but I don’t dare tell her that. The real answer is when will I know that he’s doing that to me? At what point do you realize that your feelings are on a way different level than his are?

“I’m just thinking out loud,” I finally murmur.

She studies me for a second more before pushing up out of her chair. “I’m going to say one thing and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Thank God,” I joke as I look at the mini-globe on my bookshelf behind her and wonder where I should go.

“Sometimes love is hard to hold on to but if he’s the one, if he’s where you keep wanting to wander to when you look at that globe, then maybe he’s the one you’re meant to have.”

“Did you read that in a fortune cookie somewhere?” I tease.

“You know the minute I walk out of this office that you’re going to repeat it in your head and know I’m right.”

“Whatever.”

“Take the chance, Lenn. You never know until you do.”

“How?” I ask, my stoicism finally shattered as the emotion hits me. I want to say I miss him. I miss him so much every moment of every day. I miss his touch. His smile. His laughs. His gorgeous accent. But I can’t form those words on my tongue. “How am I supposed to do that? His life is there and my life is here. A cross-Atlantic relationship is not exactly the kind that keeps you warm at night. I don’t want an Instagram romance where the only time I get to see him is when I check what he’s posted.”

She stops at the door and turns to face me. “You’re a smart woman. You’ll figure it out.”

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO