Page 99 of Flirting with 40

“So there was the hot sex, the belly-aching laughs, the long talks in the moonlight, and the comfortable silence on the docks,” Kelsie says, “and you guys haven’t talked since then? Are you freaking crazy?” She bats at my thigh. “I mean all the signs are there!”

“Signs?” I chortle. “Signs of what?”

“That there was something more there.” Her voice ratchets in volume with each word.

I turn to look at her laying atop my comforter beside me. “No, there was getting caught up in the moment is all. Two people thrown together reality show style—you know, forced to live together type of thing.” It’s so much easier to lie to myself than to believe Slade and I could have had something real.

“See! I told you he would be the perfect rebound for you. There’s nothing like some earth-shattering sex at the hand of a younger, virile man who has a nice smile to make you get over your asshole ex.”

“Virile?” I laugh through the ache of missing him that radiates through me.

“That was my code for humungous, adept cock.”

I choke on my next breath and cough through the laughter. “Jesus, Kels.”

“Are you going to dispute it?”

“I plead the fifth.” I hold my hands up in surrender.

“But that’s all there was, Blake?”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t develop feelings for him? I mean . . . it’s only normal to—rebound fling or not.”

“It doesn’t matter whether I did or didn’t, it only matters if it’s mutual.”

“Well? Did you ask him how he felt about you?” she asks and laughs in disbelief. “Of course you didn’t.”

“I believe his words were something along the lines of, ‘It’s been fun pretending with you.’ And then he went on to say how everyone would believe if we broke up because he doesn’t commit to anyone. I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t get more subliminally clear than that.”

“And your point is what? Sometimes we say things we think the other person wants to hear even when they aren’t exactly the truth.”

I smile and shake my head. “It isn’t the same.”

“He kissed you good-bye, right? I mean, you don’t kiss your fake girlfriend good-bye when no one else is looking.”

I close my eyes and let the tears burn there. The ones riddled with disbelief that Slade feels the same way. It took me less than a week to feel like this for him, so why has it taken the same amount of days to doubt every single second of it?

“Let’s face it, he was a rebound. Just like you said he was. Perfect for the moment—for what I needed to get over everything with Paul, but not for reality.”

“I call bullshit.”

“You can call it whatever you want, but it is what it is.” I close my eyes and sigh.

“What it is, is you being a chickenshit who’s afraid to put yourself out there.”

“You forget. I did put myself out there. And it isn’t as if we haven’t talked since. We’ve texted, and I’ve asked him if there was anything new about Ivy. He asked me if I’d heard about the promotion yet. There were no words about having a great time or about missing each other. There was no, maybe we should try this thing between us. It was causal. It was easy.” Just like Prisha warned me it would be. He has no clue how much I’ve fallen for him because, simply put, he is just that much of a nice guy. “That’s it.”

“Text. Text. Text. Thanks for joining the twenty-first century, but you need to pick up the phone and call him. I mean, you’re head over heels for this guy.”

Isn’t that the problem though?

How can I be head over heels in love with a guy in this short amount of time? How do I admit that without sounding like a crazy woman who is supposed to be convincing herself that he is a rebound? Has to be.

No one falls that quickly unless they are emotionally unstable after a huge breakup. No one falls that quickly without ruining themselves when the other person realizes they’re a rebound and moves on.

“He’s way too good to be true. It’s probably best to leave it as it is.” I plaster a smile on my lips that I hope she believes and try to own my comment. It feels like I’ve been doing that a lot lately.