Page 114 of Flirting with 40

Slade: What is that supposed to mean?

Me: Congratulations again.

I turn my phone on do not disturb and toss it on my dresser before falling face down onto my bed, knowing I just pushed the best thing that ever happened to me away because I’m not the best thing that could ever be for him.

And I want to be. God how I want to be.

But my reaction tonight tells me I don’t deserve him or his kindness and huge heart.

I need some time to think.

To sort my own emotions out.

To figure out if I can be the woman he deserves when I full well know he deserves the whole freaking world.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Slade

“You on again tonight, man?”

I look up from the chart I’m reviewing at the nurse’s station and over to John. I’m so exhausted my bones are tired. “This is my second thirty-hour shift in a row,” I murmur before taking a sip of scalding hot coffee. “So, yes. The answer would be yes.”

“Ahh, your body forgot what it was like to be pulling these kinds of hours, didn’t it?”

“You could say that.” I scrub a hand over my face and stifle a yawn.

“What’s up with What’s-Her-Face? Blakely. How was dinner?”

I give a partial chuckle. “We didn’t go. It was the night Ivy came to.”

“Oh shit.”

“You can say that again.”

“Oh shit,” he repeats with a smart-ass grin.

“Funny.”

“You going to make it up to her?” he asks just as a nurse from across the floor calls his name. He takes a step back. “I mean, if you don’t fall asleep during the middle of it.”

I flip him off but shake my head.

That’s the big question, isn’t it? Am I going to make it up to her?

How can I when I can’t get her to answer my calls or texts?

If I knew where she lived, I’d try to get her to answer the door, but I don’t. So, short of sitting outside of Glam like a stalker to get her to talk to me, I’m not sure what to do.

God do I fucking miss her, but hell if I have a goddamn clue what happened.

Work. Residency. Getting matched to the right hospital. That’s what matters. The right here and the right now and not fucking up after everything that has happened.

That’s what I need to be focusing on, not a new relationship when I’m diving head-first back into work.

Relationship?

Did I really just use the R-word? When did I start thinking of Blakely in those terms? And how is that even possible when we haven’t seen each other since the parking lot at the lodge?