Page 83 of Hard to Handle

THE SUBTLE SORENESS BETWEEN MY thighs is the first thing I notice when I snuggle deeper beneath the covers to hide from the sun streaming through the window.

Last night is more than a distant memory. It’s more like an in-the-face reminder of a pickle I need to figure my way out of.

I slept with a potential client. A current client all but caught me in the act. And then I had a moment of panic.

A huge moment of panic that only took some tossing and turning in bed when I couldn’t fall asleep to figure out.

What I felt for Hunter—the reasons I pushed him away the last time we were together—came back clearly last night.

And I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. How can I purport to be this strong, independent female who puts up with no one’s shit, and after I spend one night with a man, I still have those same feelings? How can I be proud of myself when he was an ass to me at the club and I turned around and did what we did? How can I do any of this when I haven’t been up front with him about why I’m here?

I’m a chicken.

Isn’t that what this comes down to? I’m an overthinking, nervous-nelly chicken who doesn’t have the guts to admit that I not only screwed up by sleeping with him for professional reasons, but also because I know I’m not gutsy enough to tell Hunter being fuck buddies isn’t good enough for me anymore.

I’m not the same person.

Three years does a lot to mature a person and after Chad, maybe I want something more.

Maybe, my dad was right—not that I’ll ever tell him.

Hunter Maddox. Complicated and multi-layered, incredibly gifted, a god in the sack, yet troubled by something significant.

I’d ask myself what I want from him but I already know. Just sex won’t be enough. Just being a client might never work.

Oh what a tangled web I’ve woven.

But at least I’m sexually satisfied for what feels like the first time in forever. There’s always that very shallow tidbit to fall back on as the sky falls and more clients leave KSM, because one of their lead agents sleeps with clients and presumably gives them better treatment than all her other clients.

Even worse, they’ll start thinking that sleeping with my clients is part of the KSM package.

Shit. The more I think the worse this gets.

I groan and flop onto my back, trapping myself in the comforter when I do.

“Woman up, Kincade,” I mutter. Tell him the truth. Explain why this can’t happen again. March up to him and say, yes, he’s the player I’m here to recruit. And yes, we slept together. Christ, Dekker, he already knows that part. But maybe tell him it happened once, I own it, but I can’t let it happen again because I want to win his trust as a client. And once he’s a client I can’t cross that line.

I take a deep breath and fight the urge to slide back into sleep like only a person whose body feels satisfied knows, when it hits me.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

I fling the covers off me and scramble to grab my laptop like a madwoman. I’m logged in within seconds, the connection accepting about the same time I’m patting down my hair and pretending I don’t look like I just woke up.

“So glad you could join us,” my father says through the connection as it goes from pixelated to clear where I can see him and my three sisters sitting at the conference table at the offices.

“Sorry. Late night.”

Brexton’s chuckle fills the room. “I hope he was worth it,” she teases and has no idea how true that statement is.

“Funny,” I feign. “I went with a few of the Jacks to a jazz club and then came back here to find a pipe had burst in the hallway. Late night,” I overexplain when I need to just stop.

“Ha. Dare we ask whose pipe burst, exactly?” Lennox asks, staring at me through the screen.

There’s absolute silence and then my sisters and I break out into laughter.

“Ladies,” my dad says as he tries not to chuckle. “That’s enough. We’ve already run through the status of all of our clients . . . your tardiness allowed you to miss that part, so you’re up, kid. That status report remains blank so I’m beginning to get worried here.”

“I’ll update, but did we talk about what clients they’re going after yet? Because I’m still miffed at my urgency and not theirs to pick up and leave.”