Page 103 of Hard to Handle

My body jolts at his admission and so does his. I watch him physically reject the words he just said, almost as if it’s the first time he’s ever heard them.

And just as quickly as I see it, Hunter pulls away physically by turning on his heels and jogging toward the door.

“No. Hunter,” I call after him, and luckily, he’s distracted by the emotions or else I never would be able to catch up to him and stand in front of the door like I do.

“Get out of the way, Dekker.” His face is a mask of fury and shame, and it breaks my heart to see such distress in his every muscle.

“No. I’m not letting you walk out this door. I’m not letting you believe for another goddamn second that you don’t deserve the success you have, the accolades you’ve achieved, or the love and affection you deserve.” I’m breathless when I finally finish speaking, but I feel like I’m on borrowed time to keep him here and make him believe what I’ve said.

“No, I don’t.” He shakes his head and looks at me like a little boy wanting to believe but not trusting that he should.

“Yes, you do,” I say and take a step forward.

“You don’t know what happened. You don’t understand—”

“Then make me understand. Sit down and tell me everything and get the weight you’re carrying off your shoulders.”

“I don’t know if I can,” he says in a whisper.

I don’t care that he feels a million miles away from me, I take another step toward him and place his face in my hands. He tries to pull away, but I don’t let him. “I know you’re a good person, Hunter Maddox. I know you bust your ass day in and day out chasing a ghost no one can see, and I know it has to be a merciless burden that you carry.” I wipe the lone tear that escapes his eye and slides down his cheek. It’s devastating to see. But it’s also a sign that maybe I’ll be able to get through to him. Maybe I can help him. “Please, talk to me.”

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

HUNTER

I STARE AT DEKKER, AND my body and mind revolt.

I’m terrified that if she sees what I did, she’ll walk away for good and never come back.

Her eyes tell me to trust her and her words tell me to believe her, but fucking hell if that’s not hard when all I know is regret. When all I feel is guilt.

I took away their star, their life, their hope.

“Hunter? Come on, talk to me. You can trust me.”

My pulse pounds in my ears and my chest feels like it’s on fire, like the space around my lungs is constricting and squeezing the breath out of me.

Betrayal comes with telling someone. A betrayal to my misery, to myself, to the way I’ve lived my life, and fuck, it’s a hard thing to let go.

I open my mouth and shut it, the words so very hard to utter, that day so godawful to relive, but I know I need to.

I know that if anyone can help me, it’s Dekk. She walked away from me before, knowing I would hurt her if she told me how she felt. I knew it. She knew it. It was so much easier to pretend like her leaving was no big deal.

But now? Shit, she’s the only one who thought I was worth pursuing. Being my fucking punching bag. She’s the only one who cared enough to dig beneath the surface despite my shitty attitude. Not Sanderson, who has a stake in my well-being, but Dekker.

She made me admit that I’ve burned out.

She forced me to acknowledge that I care.

She made me believe in the possibility of more.

I start rejecting the thought, and then try to push that ingrained response away.

I nod. It’s slight, but it’s there.

“It was supposed to have been me that day,” I finally say.

Her breath hitches. She gently takes my hand and leads me to the couch. Her papers are still where she left them last night, her laptop still open and no doubt the battery dead, but she sits me down in silence. She waits until our knees are touching and our eyes hold before she asks the one question that can break and free me. “Who was supposed to have been you that day?”