Page 44 of Resist

I laugh, but it doesn’t hold any humor. “My financial status?” I try to keep my voice calm as frustration and anger bubble up inside me. “My financial status is stressed because I paid for treatments for my sister. Lucy’s father sure as hell wasn’t concerned about Samantha’s well-being. His next high was more important than getting her sober and healthy for Lucy. Psychiatrists and expensive medications to combat the pull of the opioids, and then there was special schooling for Lucy and treatments. That’s where my debt has come from and—”

“And it’s clear that you’re slowly paying it down, but your debt-to-income ratio is so high. What’s going to happen when you take this special-needs child in who’s going to require additional costly services and appointments?”

“What’s going to happen? I’m going to love her. I’m going to do anything and everything in my power to give her the best life possible. I’m going to treat her like she’s mine and never let her forget her mother or that her mother loved her with all of her heart. That’s what’s going to happen,” I grit out, exasperated by this never-ending bureaucratic red tape.

“I know you’re frustrated—”

“You don’t know the half of it, Priscilla.” My patience is waning and my irritation is mounting. “How is good ol’ Brian?” I ask of Lucy’s father. “How’s his credit rating and debt ratio? It can’t be too great when he’s spending every dime on drugs. Beg, borrow, and steal always seemed to be his motto.”

“You know I can’t discuss other guardians with you . . . but he is Lucy’s father.”

“And my sister said she wanted me to take care of Lucy!” I shout, patience now gone. “She wanted me to. Not her father, because she knew how unstable and uncommitted he was to being a parent.”

“Your sister wrote her wishes for you to be Lucy’s guardian in her suicide note,” Priscilla says, her voice softening with a compassion I swear she doesn’t have. “Her state of mind at the time of writing the note is in question. It wouldn’t be prudent of us to take her words at face value when she was obviously not in her right mind.”

I press my fingers to my eyes and stupidly hope the action will combat the tears I’m fighting. She gives me a moment to collect myself before I look back up to her.

“Brian doesn’t want Lucy. He never has cared about her before, and now all of a sudden he cares? Does he know what classes she takes and what teachers and therapists help with which subjects and skills? Does he know her medications and her doctors? No. I’m the responsible one. I’m the one busting my ass day in and day out to pay off the debt I incurred trying to take care of my sister. I’m the one who loves Lucy unconditionally and will provide her with the best life she can have. Not him.” My voice breaks, and I don’t care because I’m exhausted and worried that this all might be for nothing.

“I know, dear. I know you love her, and I’m sorry for the loss of your sister, but there is a protocol. I’m required to follow it, document everything, and in the end all of the information will allow me to make the best decision for Lucy’s sake.”

Go to hell.

The thought glances through my mind, but the tight smile on my lips reflects nothing of the sort.

“You to make or the state of New York to make?”

“I work for the state of New York. All of my actions are on their behalf.”

“The state’s behalf. Not Lucy’s. I got it.”

“You are making great progress on paying down your debt,” she says, disregarding my snarky comment. “I want you to know your hard work isn’t being overlooked.” Priscilla moves toward the front door, her pen scribbling something on her clipboard. “That place you work . . . you must earn some great tips there.”

My smile is still there, still plastered without sincerity. “That’s exactly why I work there.” And then I shrug, knowing I need to add something to justify it further. A little extra to substantiate any large payments that don’t match my weekly paychecks at Apropos. “Plus I’ve been trying to sell off some of my jewelry to help pay it down. I have some pieces I’ve been holding on to—items that have been in my family for years. As hard as it is to part with them, having Lucy is way more important to me.”

“Well, I’m noting that, and we’ll take a look at your updated finances again next month to see where you’re at.”

I nod and listen to her clatter on until she finally leaves me alone with Audrey on the TV and sadness in my heart. With a sigh, I lower myself to the couch, sink back into it, close my eyes, and just be.

Ten thousand dollars, Vaughn.

Why did I justify the possibility of such a large payment being made toward my debt if I don’t plan on even considering Ryker’s offer?

Ten thousand dollars.

I want to kick Ryker’s voice from my mind. I want to erase everything about him from this moment, and yet it’s still there, still loud, still offering me a quicker way to pay down that debt.

Still giving me a chance to take care of Lucy.

How far would you go to protect the one you love?

I ask myself the question and know I’ve already lost one of the only two people I love in this world.

The other person is wearing a pink-and-yellow string bracelet like the one on my wrist and is probably wearing a princess dress to match it right now.

How far would you go to protect the one you love?

To the ends of the earth.