Page 28 of Resist

Compartmentalize. So much easier said than done. Hell, I can talk a good game—I can convince myself that I can do just this—but when I close my eyes, I can still taste Ryker on my tongue, I can still see that look in his eyes . . . I can still remember how he made me feel when I didn’t want to.

And I can still feel that blinding panic over something I can’t completely pull from the depths of my mind.

No matter how much I tell myself it doesn’t matter because I’ve been better off living all this time and not remembering, it still does.

“I thought I was dropping her off at your house today?”

I startle at the sound of Joey’s voice but am more than grateful for the reprieve from the noise in my head. My smile is wide when I turn to face Lucy’s favorite counselor here. “I couldn’t wait that long. I was missing my girl. How’s she doing?”

“Very well under the circumstances. We just keep telling her this is like a fun camp and she’ll get to go home soon.” His soft smile says, Let’s hope home means going home with you.

“At some point, she’s going to ask why soon seems to be lasting month after month. She needs to be home. She needs to be—”

“You’re preaching to the choir, Vaughn. If I could speed up the process somehow, you know I would. Just know I’m taking care of her as best as I can while she’s here.”

“Thank you,” I murmur. “Has he been here lately?” I ask of Lucy’s father, and even that term is putting it loosely.

“Not since last week, no.”

“Hmm.” It’s all I say as a hundred questions flicker through my mind. Did he take her somewhere? Did she seem like she had fun with him? Did he seem sober this time? Was she as excited to see him as she is for me? But I don’t utter a single one because I know social services can question Joey at any time as well.

“She was better after the visit than she normally is, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I don’t know what I’m asking . . . ,” I confess, but my smile returns when I hear her voice down the hallway ordering someone around.

“Not the Snow White one. The Belle one. ’Cause Belle likes books like me.”

Little Miss Bossy Pants.

“She misses you in between your visits,” Joey says with a lift of his chin in her direction. “Misses the routine she used to have, but you know her. She’s like a ray of sunshine—always happy, always eager, always wanting to try.”

Pride fills me at the truth in his statement. “She definitely is, and I could use a huge helping of her sunshine right now.”

“Social services still giving you grief?”

My shoulders sag some at the question. “I’m getting good at jumping through hoops, but man, they’re particular with what they want.”

“You wouldn’t believe some of the shit I’ve seen.”

“Let’s hope I don’t see—or experience—any of it either. Fingers crossed I can comply with their demands sooner rather than later.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Not bad . . . it’s just taking too long. This is a kid we’re talking about—does the red tape have to be everywhere when another life is involved?”

“I’m rooting for you,” Joey says and pats my shoulder in support.

“There’s my beautiful princess,” I exclaim when Lucy rounds the corner, decked out in head-to-toe princess garb: yellow sparkly dress, tiara to match, and a smile so wide I don’t think it can get any bigger.

My heart swells with love.

Yes.

She is exactly what I need right now to center myself. To bring me back to normal.

To remind me why I’m fighting so hard.

For her.