Page 103 of Dirty Legacy

“Wait a second.” There’s panic in her voice now like she realizes what’s happening. “I’m sorry, baby. You know I’m just tired and cranky. I don’t mean it.”

“Good luck, Mom.”

“What? Good luck? Fuck you! Fuck you, selfish brat! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck⁠—“

I close the door behind me. Something hard thuds against it. Probably the remote. I cover my face with my hands and I should be crying but there’s nothing left in me. I stay like that, gathering myself, and it’s strange, the lightness that passes over me.

Mom’s not mine anymore.

It’s liberating. There’s guilt in me too, but I feel lighter and better than I have in a very long time.

I’ll protect her through this war. But when we come out the other side⁠—

She’s on her own.

I have no idea what’ll happen and that has to be fine.

“Are you okay?”

I look up to find Rowan. She’s in a big, oversized hoodie, standing a few feet away, uncertain. Her hands are tucked into the pouch and her eyes are on the floor. “I’m okay,” I say and spread my arms. She comes to me without saying anything else, lets me fold her into a massive hug, and that’s what finally does it.

We cry together. I’m not even sure what we’re crying over. Poor dead Colm, maybe, but it’s cathartic. I finish before she does and I stroke her hair until she calms down.

“I’m sorry your mom’s so awful,” Rowan says softly.

“It’s alright.”

“My mom’s been trying to talk to me. I can count the number of serious conversations we’ve had together on a closed fist. I think she’s afraid.”

“She’s definitely worried.”

“I should tell her I’m going to be alright. I just…” Rowan pauses, trembling against me. “I keep seeing him, you know? Colm was trying to save us.”

“Listen to me.” I draw back and hold her shoulders tightly. “You did all you could. You saved me and my mom. You know that, right? If you hadn’t gotten us, I’m not sure we would’ve made it to the safe room.”

“Some saving. I got Colm killed, Dad’s nose got broken, and Deck’s a traitor.”

“You did save us though. What happened to Colm was terrible, but it’s not on you.”

“I feel like I let everyone down.”

“Oh, honey. You didn’t.” I hug her hard. “We’re even now.”

That makes her laugh and I laugh along with her.

It’s better than crying.

We sit together in one of the empty rooms. Rowan doesn’t open up exactly, but she seems to unwind. She comes out of her hoodie, hands appearing, hood drawn back. We’re in the middle of laughing about something else when Connor shows up in the doorway, eyebrows knit like we both grew two heads.

“That’s a sound I’ll never get sick of,” he says genuinely, and the honest love in his eyes for his sister makes my heart break. This man pretends like he’s got nothing inside of him but hate and death, but there’s a softness under all those layers of blood.

“There you are.” Rowan stands and stretches. “Dad was looking for you.”

“Found him,” Cathal says from the hall.

“You mind if I borrow my wife?” Connor nods at me. “We have some talking to do.”

“What, you’re cutting me out of the family business already?” Rowan laughs at the look on Connor’s face. “Kidding. Seriously. I’d rather go back to being ignorant.” She sweeps from the room, pausing only to knock her brother on the arm. He grunts and pretends like it hurts.