Page 4 of The Beastly Earl

“He did love you, Louisa. I firmly believe that.”

“But not enough to tell me the truth,” she said softly.

Pain, anger, and doubt ate away at her just as the memory of how harshly she’d condemned him that night. Words she’d said in anger. Words that weighed on her every waking moment.

“Damn it, Louisa. You need to let all of it go. You’ll fade away into someone no one will recognize, not even yourself. If you won’t talk with me, then speak with Aunt Matilda, Helen, one of your sisters.” Sebastian shook her gently until she jerked away

“I’ll keep my own counsel, Sebastian. I’ve already revealed more than I should have.” Louisa waved her hand in a gesture that said she refused to continue with the discussion. “You cannot convince me to change my plans to leave for Callendar Abbey in the morning. I need some time to myself, so I intend to leave the boys here. They enjoy being with their cousins, and Aunt Matilda has agreed to bring them with her when she returns to Scotland.”

“Then at least think about what I’ve said here today.”

She’d never heard Sebastian plead before, but that he did so now indicated just how worried he was about her. With a slow nod of her head, she met his concerned gaze steadily.

“Very well, I’ll think on everything you’ve said.” At her reply, her brother’s expression indicated he believed she was simply appeasing him. Louisa quickly walked forward to kiss his cheek and whispered. “I promise I will, Sebastian. I swear it on the Sword and Blood of Angus Stewart.”

The moment the childhood oath softly echoed out of her, her brother’s mouth quirked slightly upward. It was an oath she’d always extracted from Sebastian when he’d given his word to her, or when she’d agreed to do whatever her brother demanded of her in some matter. In making her pledge, she knew Sebastian would understand the significance of the promise she’d just made.

Sebastian wrapped her in a warm hug, and relief relaxed his stern expression as he released her. Without another word, she left him alone suddenly realizing she’d made up her mind more than a week ago that it was time to let go as well. She just wasn’t sure how to lift the weight of her guilt. She could only hope going to Callendar Abbey and riding on the moors would give her the answer.

§ § §

“You lied to me. You lied.”

“Sweet Jesus, I’m sorry, Louisa. I love you. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare say that to me! If you’d loved me you wouldn’t have kept them a secret all this time,” she shouted angrily as the weight of his betrayal pressed down on her. “If you’d told me when we were first betrothed—married. I would have believed you. I would have admired you for what you were doing.”

“Damn it to hell, Louisa. Do you think I didn’t want to tell you? I would have, but I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Lose my dowry you mean,” she sneered. “You didn’t have any trouble telling me that your family fortunes were almost non-existent when you offered for my hand.”`

“I didn’t marry you for your money, and you damn well know it. I married you because I love you.” Devin glared at her.

“You don’t know the first thing about love! It requires trust, and you didn’t trust me enough—love me enough to tell me the truth. And you would have gone on hiding it from me if I hadn’t discovered your secret strictly by chance.”

“I am telling you the truth, Louisa. All I’ve done is ensure they’ve been well cared for—nothing more!” His jaw was hard with anger as he met her gaze.

“And now, after all this time, I’m supposed to believe you provided for them simply out of a sense of responsibility—duty?” she sneered. “Provided for them with my dowry. To think I believed you every time you said you were out late playing cards at the club. To think I let you touch me after you came home. Came home from her bed.”

“Christ almighty,” Devin roared. “She’s not my mistress.”

“A man who pays for the upkeep of a woman other than his wife is the very definition of a man who has a mistress.”

Enraged by his denial, Louisa picked up a container of perfume from her dresser and threw it at him. Devin ducked the missile targeted for his head. Instead, it hit the wall behind him and broke into small pieces while the liquid fragrance darkened the wallpaper. Furious she’d missed him, she grabbed a vase of flowers sitting on a nearby table. Water and flowers flew out of the ornamental jar to hit him in the face, blinding him to the trajectory of the vase. Triumph sped through her as the glass object hit him in the shoulder before it fell to the floor and shattered, His face hardening with fury Devin took a step forward then stopped.

“Enough, Louisa. Enough. We’ll discuss this in the morning when you’re calm and rational.”

“No. We won’t. You’ll be going back to London to stay at your club. The boys and I will go to Callendar Abbey to stay with Aunt Matilda.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re my wife. I love you. I want you with me.” At his quiet rejection of her edict, she drew in a sharp hiss of air and shook her head.

“You are a liar. I wish I’d never married you,” she said in a voice devoid of emotion. “I wish you were dead so I wouldn’t have to endure the pain and humiliation of a divorce.”

At her icy reply, Devin paled, and he stared at her in stunned disbelief. He took another step toward her, but the moment she jumped back he flinched. Pain flashed across his face before his features became cold and unyielding.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” he said woodenly before he turned and walked through the short corridor that connected their rooms.

With a jerk, Louisa cried out in pain as she sat upright. Disoriented, she looked around her compartment half-expecting Devin to be kissing her hastily as he told her the house was on fire and ordered her out of the house. The clickety-clack of the train’s wheels against the railroad tracks slowly penetrated through the hazy mist of her jumbled thoughts as she realized she was the sole occupant of the compartment. A nightmare. It had only been a nightmare. She closed her eyes as guilt flooded her senses.