Page 34 of The Beastly Earl

“I…might…I would like to buy a Christmas present for Mrs. Morehouse, Charlie, and Wills, my lord,” he stammered before his words echoed out in a rush of air. “I know you always give the servants coin on Boxing Day, but I would like to do something special for Mrs. Selkirk and McCallum too.”

“I assume you’ll need money for these gifts?”

“Yes, Father.” The boy’s manner of addressing him made Ewan stiffen. He remained silent for a moment as he met Ross’s hesitant gaze then nodded his head.

“I’ll see to it that McCallum gives you what you need.”

“Thank you, Father, and thank you again for the horse. I’ll work hard to make you proud.”

The boy’s words were like a dagger in his heart as he remembered saying something similar to his mother when he’d been about Ross’s age and so desperate to please her. He shook his head slowly.

“You’re a good lad, Ross. But don’t ever do anything in order to seek anyone’s approval. Not even mine.” He met the child’s bewildered gaze with a steady one. “The only approval you should care about is your own. Always ask yourself, are you a living a good, kind, and honorable life because in the end that’s all that counts.”

A movement behind Ross announced Louisa’s arrival, and she settled her hands on the boy’s shoulders.

“It’s time to say goodnight, Ross.”

“Goodnight, Father.” The child bowed in his direction then headed toward the door.

When Louisa didn't move, he arched his eyebrow at her in a questioning manner. The flush cresting in her cheeks made her look like a debutante fresh out of the school room, while her full bosom and womanly curves said otherwise. He drew in a sharp breath at the thought. Christ Jesus, he was in desperate need of Alanna’s services more than he realized.

The cackling laugh in the back of his head called him a liar. There was only one remedy, and it involved more than one dose. The thought made his chest tighten at how easily this woman twisted him into knots as if he were a school boy. He’d already taken things to far at the supper table when he’d suggested she might enter his bed.

“I wanted to express my thanks for your generous gesture where the boys are concerned.”

“You’ve said them. Now leave. I’ve work to do.”

He fixed his gaze on the ledger in front of him, and dismissed her with a sharp wave of his hand. Ewan expected her to turn away, but when she didn’t he released a harsh sound of aggravation that was born more out of desperation than actual ire. Determined to make himself as disagreeable as possible, he lifted his head.

“What do you want of me now, Louisa?”

Color flushed her cheeks at his question before she straightened to her full height and squared her shoulders as if she were headed into battle.

“I wanted to say I was sorry. I was wrong about you.”

“Wrong?” His body hardened with tension as he watched her cheeks darken to a deep shade of pink.

“I was wrong to say you were a cruel and heartless man, and I’m sorry.”

“And what brought about this change of heart?” he murmured sardonically as he leaned back in his chair. She flinched beneath his mockery, but didn’t look away. In the back of his head, he acknowledged admiration for her unceasing ability not to be intimidated by him. It also served as a warning where this woman and his reactions to her were concerned.

“Your kindness to Ross at the supper table, and again, just now.”

The approval in her voice made him recall the words he’d just spoken to Ross. A good man only did things for the right reason, never to please others. It sent a wave of guilt and shame crashing down on him.

“I was no more kind to the boy than I was to your own children,” he said as his jaw tightened painfully from the pressure of his taut cheek muscles.

“It’s not just that you were kind to Ross, it’s the fact that you acknowledged his presence by commenting on his riding skills.”

Ewan knew she was right, but she didn’t understand that shame had been the reason he’d expressed interest in the boy. Shame, and a deep regret, that it had taken him so long to realize the injustice he’d done the boy. Publicly acknowledging another man’s son as his own had been a conscious choice. Even though he'd made the decision under duress and self-interest, he'd openly accepted Ross as his son.

Privately, from the first moment he'd seen the lad, he had wanted nothing to do with Ross. What he'd failed to realize was that he didn’t have to love the child, but the boy deserved nothing less than kindness from him. Perhaps the most shameful of all was that he understood what it was like not to be loved by a parent. That he’d inflicted a similar punishment on the boy shamed him the most. He shook his head.

“Didn’t you see his face, Ewan?” Palms pressed into the desktop, Louisa leaned over the desk. “Didn’t you see how much your words meant to him?”

“Damn it, Louisa, I’ll not be chastised about the boy or anything else in my own house.” His chair crashed backwards to the floor as he stood up and leaned toward her until he could breathe in the warm fragrance of her. Oblivious to his anger, she didn’t retreat, she simply glared at him with righteous indignation.

“Well someone needs to say something, because until now, I don’t think anyone’s had the wherewithal to call you out on the topic.”