Page 126 of Late Harvest

“It wasn’t long before he started exerting control in other ways. He’d tell me, ‘Wear this, not that, Arabella.’ He hated if I wore anything he perceived as too revealing. He’d get so angry, filled with rage, telling me I was dressing like a slut to sleep with other guys.”

Next to her, Sebastian growled low in his chest, his fingers flexing against hers as his thumb traced small circles on the back of her hand. Remy focused on the soothing, repetitive movement.

“This pattern continued throughout our relationship. We got married during winter break of my junior year—against Etta and Tasha’s wishes. We just went to the courthouse. I informed them after the fact, and I’ll never forget the look they gave each other.”

She took a small sip of water, determined to push through and get everything else out in the open as quickly and succinctly as possible. “He wanted to get me pregnant, but I’d secretly done Depo shots after I moved in with him, lying to him that I’d always had irregular periods. And when they largely disappeared, he thought we’d been successful. He was so happy. And then I bled again.” She huffed a laugh. “I had to tell the truth. He flew into a rage, demanding to come with me to my gyn. I refused and he trashed the house.”

She lifted a shaking hand to her throat, Chicane picking up on her anxiety and chirruping. Remy wanted to soothe him, but she had to keep going. “That kind of outburst was becoming more and more frequent, but he’d never laid a hand on me at that point. I kept telling myself he was just under pressure at work. That it would get better. He’d get so angry—calling me a slut and a whore. Cunt was his favorite.” The image of the words slashed in red paint on her home flashed through her mind, and she cringed before steadying herself to continue.

“But then he’d love-bomb me, begging for forgiveness and telling me I was his everything. I kept thinking that if I just loved him enough, he’d stop. We’d have stretches of good weeks—peaceful weeks. I’d convince myself that it was all better. That he loved me enough to change. He’d be solicitous. Even offering to pay for dinner with the Remingtons—always with him present, though. The cycle persisted, and then things got worse.”

Remy turned to face Sebastian. It was as if no one else were in the room. “You sure you’re ready to hear the rest of this?”

“I’m not sure anyone can ever be ready to hear about the person they love being abused. But you were—are strong enough to have lived it and survived it, and brave enough to share it with us, so I’ll be strong enough to hear it. But it doesn’t mean I don’t hate that man to the marrow of my bones.”

Remy smiled sadly and continued. “The day my medical school acceptances came in—Georgetown, Hopkins, and Stanford—he completely lost it. He didn’t want me to go to med school at all, and the envelopes triggered him. He knew what they were. After he punched holes in the wall and threw furniture, he turned toward me. I’d—I’d seen that face many times before. On my father, just before he beat my mother up.”

Remy dropped her head, weeping, one hand over her mouth to contain the sobs. Lila jumped up and sat on her other side, rubbing her back in soothing motions as she whispered words of empathy and understanding. Sebastian now clasped her hand between both of his as her staunchest allies surrounded her with the support she needed to continue. And thank God, because the worst was yet to be shared.

“He came at me, eyes wild. Doug wrapped his hands around my neck. He—he choked me. Hard. My vision blackened in the corners and I was pretty sure that was it for me. All I could think was that I’d let Tasha and Etta down. And that I was just like my mother.”

“No, not at all,” Lila condoled. “You couldn’t know how he’d be.”

“But I could! I should have! Who knew better than me? I’d seen it, over and over. And now I was repeating the pattern!” She breathed shakily, fighting for composure and completely unable to restrain her tears. “I’m sorry, Lila. I shouldn’t have⁠—”

“Remy, you don’t need to apologize to me.” Lila shook her head, understanding exactly what was happening. “I’m sorry. I was…just trying to comfort you. It’s hard to find the right words to say.”

“I know,” Remy whispered, smiling sadly at her friend. “And I appreciate it.”

She turned to the room, waving between her and Lila. “You see this? See the friendship? The affection? The caring?” Every eye in the room was fixed on her, save the baby’s, who slumbered peacefully in Benny’s arms, completely unaware of the tragedy retelling unfolding around him. “Imagine that on steroids. That was how my relationship with Etta was. And Tasha.” She sniffled back her running nose, then gratefully accepted another tissue from Nell, who always seemed prepared for life’s calamities and indignities, both large and small.

“But I couldn’t let them know how stupid I’d been. I wanted to. So much. But I was afraid Doug would go after me. Or them. I couldn’t let them see me anyway. The bruising was so bad on my neck I had to skip class the next day. My larynx was very swollen as well, making my voice sound odd. I’m lucky he didn’t dissect my carotid artery.

“I stayed home and nursed my wounds. And my pride. And my disgust at myself for everything. Then Doug came home from work with a sleeveless mock turtleneck, claiming he saw it and thought the pink brought out the blue of my eyes. But I knew what he was doing. He was hiding the evidence of his abuse.

“That was when I started planning my exit strategy. I knew I couldn’t stay. I know now that strangulation by a significant other is the number one indicator of future domestic homicide. At the time, I didn’t have much education about abuser patterns. But I did have my gut. And that told me he’d eventually kill me.”

Sebastian’s leg jumped and she patted it, squeezing his knee in acknowledgment of his feelings and fears. She knew this tale had to be ravaging his massive, empathetic heart.

“I didn’t say anything to Etta and Tasha, but I did assert myself and go to dinner with them alone after the worst of the bruising faded. I just—I needed to ground myself in what was good in the world. And they represented that. I made up my mind that I’d accept Georgetown. I’d report Doug to his supervisors and then leave him. Divorce him.

“When I came home from dinner, Doug was sitting on the couch. He was ‘cleaning his service revolver,’” Remy said with air quotes. “Not brandishing it at me. Just manipulating the gun and then putting it on the table in front of me. His message was clear. He was icy controlled. Then he played a harmless message from a male classmate and released a jealous rage that stunned me with its intensity. He screamed at me, choked me again. Threw me against the wall.”

Remy caught Sebastian’s sad gaze, knowing he remembered what happened next. The birdcage. And Doug killing her Carolina Chickadee. Reading her need, he nudged Chicane back on her lap, the long-eared bunny having slowly migrated to Sebastian in the past few minutes.

“Doug violently killed a bird I’d rehabbed and kept as a pet. I started to call 911, and he just laughed, this cruel, awful sound. ‘You calling the cops, Torres? I am the cops. No one will believe you.’ He always called me by my former last name when he was angry. He was so pissed I never took his name, but it was such a pain to handle logistically. I thought I’d do it prior to med school, as a—a present for him.”

Remy couldn’t sit any longer. She handed Chicane to Bash and stood. Moving to the windows just past Grayton, she stared out at the night sky. “When he was asleep that night—more like passed out drunk—I sneaked out. Drove to Etta’s apartment. It was early February and it had started snowing. I knocked on Etta’s door. She took one look at me and pulled me inside, where I collapsed in her arms and told her the entire story.

“Etta was not at all surprised and was so livid at herself for not intervening more aggressively. She called Tasha, who instructed us to drive immediately to her home, ten minutes away. There, she gave me about five hundred dollars in cash and her credit card. She’d booked me into a small, boutique hotel close to her home. We were all worried her place or Etta’s apartment would be the first places Doug looked for me. In the morning, she’d planned to meet me to talk with a lawyer recommended by her partner.

“Etta stayed with me at the hotel until the morning, then had to go to class for a major presentation. She—she stopped at her apartment to shower and change.” Remy folded her arms, rubbing them against the chills erupting. She hadn’t said this part aloud in so long, she thought the details would be faded.

But it was all as real and visceral as if it were happening right now. She heard herself continue, voice wooden.

“According to witness reports after the fact, Doug was waiting in the hallway. He pushed his way into her apartment. The woman who lived next door reported hearing yelling.”

Remy’s throat seized and she coughed, fighting for air. Sebastian came up behind her and cradled her in his arms. Leaning into his comfort, and pulling strength from his unwavering support, Remy finished the story.