Page 19 of Yes Now Yes Forever

“I don’t understand,” I said, my voice sounding almost as if it was pleading for someone to give me the answer.

Zachary’s gaze flicked to his right as Eli joined our odd family circle, then back to me. “We did what no one else had… we fought to keep him.”

The room fell silent, but there was a weight to the air around us, as if something profound was happening. Yet, I still felt lost to its meaning.

“Lyra,” Tanner called softly, drawing my gaze to where he sat with Fawn tucked against his side. “Who was the last person in your life who never gave up on you no matter how hard you tried to get them to leave?”

“Elora,” I answered without hesitation. “Besides my fathers, she’s been the only person who’s never turned their back or given up on me.”

Fawn’s eyes grew glassy as if he was trying to fight back tears at my words, and it caught me a little off-guard. Was what I said really so sad?

“Well, angel, you can add the five of us to that list because fighting for each other is what we do in this pack,” Fawn announced.

My brows shot up as I looked between Tanner and Zachary. Surely, with how deep their love for each other was even to this day, they couldn’t have feared one of them walking away?

“Zachary and I met for the first time in a government building waiting area, but I don’t remember it. After my skateboard accident, I was in a bad place, depressed, in pain, and lonely. Everyone I’d ever known was part of the skate world, and when I couldn’t live that life anymore, I was left behind,” Tanner shared as if he’d guessed my train of thought.

“Eventually, I found myself addicted to pain pills, drowning my sorrows with liquor while the meds numbed everything else. One day, I made the mistake of buying from an undercover cop and wound up getting arrested. I don’t know how or why I deserved it, but I was sentenced to rehab and community service instead of jail. The rehab was only two weeks, just long enough to get me through withdrawal. I relapsed, surprising no one, but I tried to play it off and went to meet my probation officer like nothing was wrong. As I waited to get called back to his office, I was oblivious to the fact I was sitting next to the man who would one day change my life.” Tanner reached out for Zachary, who took Tanner’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

“I was just out of barber school and waiting to take my licensing test. Turns out I was sitting in the wrong waiting area, but fate knew what it was doing even if it wasn’t time for my story with Tanner to start,” Zachary said, with a rueful shake of his head. “I couldn’t help but notice the man. He was sexy as sin even though it was clear he was going through hell.”

Tanner kissed the back of Zachary’s hand before continuing his story, “After I failed my drug test, I was brought before the judge in his chambers. He was brutal as he gave me two choices, admit myself into long-term rehab or serve my time in jail for a year. One way or the other, this judge was determined to see me get clean. Later on, I found out his son was a huge fan of mine and knew what had happened to me. The judge told me he wanted to be able to look his son in the eyes and tell him he’d done all he could. For me, there wasn’t really a choice, so I met with a therapist, and they helped me pick the best rehab facility that focused on my struggles.”

“Fast forward eight months, I was clean and sober, filled with a new purpose in life after having opened my coffee shop. The place took off right away due to my ‘celebrity status,’ ” Tanner said, using finger quotes as he rolled his eyes. “Thankfully, Premo Grind quickly found its footing in the community, which keeps it thriving. Then, one day, this sexy, stylish man came in for coffee on his break and introduced himself.”

The love in Tanner’s eyes as he talked about Zachary had me feeling a little envious until I remembered he’d looked at me the same way last night. I’d also seen a similar expression on all my scent matches at one point or another since I moved in.

Had I been so blinded by my fear all this time that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me?

“Now, I wasn’t looking to date,” Tanner explained, returning his attention to me. “In fact, they advised against it so soon in my recovery, but Zac just kept showing up day after day. He didn’t push for being anything more than a friend until I was ready. He’d been talking about a new bar that opened up and asked if I wanted to go with him. The biggest hurdle to becoming more than friends was being vulnerable enough to tell Zac I was a recovering addict. When I did, this guy didn’t even hesitate before suggesting an ice cream date instead. I knew right then Zac was way too good for me, and I’d eventually fuck things up like I always did.”

Zachary pulled over the ottoman and sat, resting his elbows on his knees. “This would be the point in our story where Tee decided he knew what was best for me and began to push me away. I didn’t know what changed, the ice cream date had been amazing. Hell, we talked until one in the morning, and neither of us wanted to call it quits. Work was crazy, so I didn’t get to see him the next day, but the following day, I came in like I always did for my coffee. Tee refused to look at me, gave me one-word answers, and when I pushed, he went all Alpha on my ass.”

My jaw dropped. “I-I don’t understand. Why would you do that?” I demanded.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot who was too scared to allow myself to fall in love,” Tanner said, scratching his jaw as if confessing that still made him uncomfortable. “The last thing I loved was ripped from me, and my life was forever destroyed, or so I believed. When it comes to addicts, the majority of us are selfish people. Nothing is more important than their addiction. Yes, I was clean and working the program, but I was pissed at how much effort it was to stay sober. Life was easier to bear when I got drunk and high off pills.”

Tanner took a moment and rubbed his hands over his face as I saw the emotions he was trying to hold back about to spill over. “Out of everything, what took me the longest to accept was how truly miserable living the life of an addict had made me. Yeah, it’s fucking hard to stay clean all on your own, it’s why they strongly urge us to go to meetings. For me, those meetings weren’t enough, and I would have failed without Zac. It makes all the difference when you have someone willing to roll up their sleeves and fight beside you. No matter what, Zac refused to give up on me.

“The first year we were together, I put Zac through hell. We fought, yelled, and I even slammed a few doors in his face. I was convinced doing that would be the final blow, and he’d leave me for something better. After I’d calmed down and opened the door, I’d find Zac sitting next to the door, waiting for me.”

One of the tears Tanner had been holding back rolled down his cheek. His warm brown eyes held mine with such intensity I felt as if he was looking into my soul. “Lyra, I understand how you feel right now. I didn’t deserve the kind of love Zac gave me without question. To this day, I will never understand how he could see past my scars to the man I could become. Little by little, with his love and patience, I started to believe I might be strong enough to create a new life and be happy again.”

Fawn took his shirt sleeve and tenderly wiped Tanner’s face as a few more tears slipped out. Then he wrapped his arms around Tanner’s neck and hugged him tightly. Tanner returned the hug, burying his face in Fawn’s chest, and took deep inhales of his Omega’s scent.

Pascal cupped my cheek once more and directed me to face him. I felt his thumb slowly stroke my cheek as we silently gazed at each other. It was as if Pascal was searching for something in my expression but couldn’t find it right away. Hearing the struggles my two Alphas had gone through caused my heart to ache, knowing I’d purposely run from them. They needed people who would accept them without hesitation, and that was the role an Omega was supposed to fulfill within the pack. Yet my fear and grief made me selfish.

My thoughts came to a screeching halt as a pair of fingers deftly rolled my nipple between them. I gasped, arching into the touch as my nails dug into Pascal’s chest. Thankfully, his T-shirt kept me from doing any damage. When my eyes fluttered open again, it took me a second to focus on Pascal now that hunger for my Alpha raged through me.

“Lyra, focus on my words and nothing else,” Pascal ordered, his words laced with power and dominance.

As if someone flicked a switch, I snapped to attention, laser-focused on what my Alpha wanted to tell me.

“I don’t want to use my bark on you, but without a bond tying us together, this is the only way I know you’ll believe what I’m about to say,” Pascal explained, his tone slightly softer but still commanding as he held my face with both hands. “When Fawn asked you to explain how you were feeling, something you said struck me, and I’d like to address it. You questioned your right to ask more from us because, in your mind, we’d already given you so much more than anyone else. Lyra, what you’re not understanding is we’ve only begun to show you the lengths every person in this room is willing to go to fight for you. It’s not asking too much, my darling, when what we have to offer is freely given in abundance.”

For the first time since I’d woken in the hospital after losing my mother, the shackles of loss and loneliness fell away. My chest felt lighter as I took my first deep breath that wasn’t laced with fear. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the order Pascal had given me, or if I was finally ready to let others fight alongside me. Either way, the door to the cage I’d trapped myself in was now open, and all I had to do was take the first step forward to something better.

Asob burst out of me, and the next second, I was surrounded by my pack.