Page 53 of Knot Now Knot Ever

“Yeah, that and I totally killed the mood.” Fawn pouted. “Can we cuddle naked while we pick up where we left off in the movie?”

“Absolutely,” I agreed, pulling him down so he was half-sprawled over me. “Naked cuddles are the best way to cuddle.”

“Hell yeah, it is, but trying to make it happen with an Alpha is nearly impossible,” Fawn added. “Well, I guess that’s not totally true. Tanner can cuddle like this as long as he can keep his cock warm inside me. Those kinds of cuddles are pretty amazing.”

“Hmm, I’ve never done that. Sounds like something I’ll have to ask Tanner about,” I mused aloud as we got comfortable and started the movie once more.

We managed to make it until the boat scene, which turned out to be a ten-minute montage of sex that made my previous heats pale in comparison. There wasn’t a surface on that boat they didn’t fuck on, and it was impressive. I wasn’t shocked in the least when I felt Fawn’s dick start to harden against my thigh, but I ignored it until he absently started to circle my nipple with a finger. This time, I managed to pause the movie before getting lost in another make-out session.

Fawn was setting the tone, and he clearly intended this to be all about me. He took his time working slowly down my body, purring every time he drew a moan or a gasp from his actions. “I told you, angel, I want to know all your body’s secrets.” And the man made good on his word.

Finally, Fawn paused at my ankle, taking a moment to grin at me, pleased with the puddle of goo I’d turned into. Sweat glistened on my body, and my breath came in low, quicks pants as my pussy screamed for someone to give it some attention. On his journey of exploration, Fawn had purposely avoided the fountain of pleasure, teasing me by letting his teeth scrape along the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. My body was humming with electric energy, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I exploded with the right touch.

“Please, Fawn, I need to come,” I whimpered, my freshly manicured nails clawing at the pillow behind my head. “I’m going to lose my mind if you leave me like this.”

“Shh, angel,” Fawn soothed, slipping a hand behind my left knee so he could pull it to the side, opening me up to him. “Don’t you worry, I’m not going to leave my girl in need.”

He kissed and nipped the inside of my knee as he crawled forward, making me cry out.

“You’re my first, Lyra, and you’ll also be my last. There won’t be another woman who calls to me like you do,” Fawn shared. “I didn’t think I’d ever be attracted to a woman until I laid eyes on you. It’s like you were a piece of my soul I didn’t know was missing, but I finally feel complete.”

As if to prove his feelings to me, the second he finished bearing his heart and soul to me, he buried his face in my pussy. One lick is all it took, and I was seeing stars. It felt as if fireworks had gone off in my brain as he continued to feast on my drenched pussy. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this fucking turned on from foreplay alone. Sex had always felt good, but damn, were Eli and Fawn making me question what I thought was good?

Fawn didn’t have the skill or confidence that Eli did, but why would he? Sucking dick and eating out a woman were two very different skills, but Fawn was doing just fine. That is, until he tried to finger me. Taking two fingers, he thrust them up into me as you would for a male Omega. Since I wasn’t, his fingers slammed into the upper wall of my vagina, and it felt like someone kicked me in the chest. Thinking he’d gotten it wrong, he pulled back and jabbed again, only to hit the pee hole.

“Shit,” I swore, curling up instinctively at the burn the accidental assault induced.

“Lyra, oh my God, what did I do? Goddammit, I fucked up, didn’t I? Don’t try to lie to me. The look on your face says you’re in pain,” Fawn said in a panic, scrambling off the couch and clutching his head. “I knew it would have been smarter to have one of the guys around for the first time.”

The pain was short-lived, and I think it surprised me more than anything else. In some situations, your body took control and reacted however it thought was best. Fawn hadn’t truly hurt me or done any damage. It reminded me of the first time I gave a guy a blow job and bit down when he thrust too deep. Nobody is perfect out the gate, but you have to start somewhere and with someone.

“Hey, none of that,” I chided, sitting up. “It’s not that big of a deal, and certainly no reason for you to beat yourself up like that.”

“But I hurt you,” Fawn shot back, far more upset than I realized. “What kind of idiot hurts the woman they’re falling in love with? That’s not how this was supposed to go. I even made sure to look things up ahead of time to be ready.”

Seeing how frustrated he was with himself, my heart ached, but I didn’t know how to help. “Hey, why don’t you go into the bathroom, splash some water on your face, and I’ll make popcorn?”

He nodded and got up, snagging his phone before he headed into my bedroom. I know I need space to sort through my feelings when I get that upset at myself, and having an audience only made things worse. I grabbed a robe I’d left on the armchair from another day and padded into the kitchen. Once I got the popcorn going, I pulled out my soda maker. Not one to drink soda often, I found this was the best solution so I could make whatever flavor I wanted without buying multiple cans or bottles. Looking over the flavors, I found I had strawberry, and I smiled, thinking about the drink Fawn ordered at the Scent Matchers. Thanks to enjoying cream in my tea and coffee, I had some in the refrigerator, meaning I could make a strawberry Italian soda.

By the time I had everything settled, Fawn rejoined me. He came up from behind, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rested his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lyra,” he whispered. “I’ve been building up this moment in my head since I met you, and when I fucked it all up⁠—”

Twisting in his hold, I grabbed his face and kissed him, cutting off his words. “Shh, darling, it’s going to be okay. I’m fine… you didn’t hurt me. It was more of a surprise than anything.” I soothed him, kissing him as I talked. “There is no reason to apologize, but I understand the need to feel like you should when you’re this upset with yourself.”

Fawn rested his forehead against mine. “How can you understand me so easily? It’s like you can see into my brain and know what I’m thinking.”

“Simple, really. You and I think rather alike,” I pointed out with a little chuckle. “However, you seem to have found a way to move past your fear and anxiety to enjoy the life you have now. That’s something I’ve been working on for a long time. I just can’t seem to figure out how to trust or accept the reality that I might never get there. If only I could hide my issues enough so those I care about wouldn’t worry as much.”

Frowning, Fawn snorted, clearly not agreeing with my assessment. “Angel, you really have no clue how strong and amazing you are. I left home by choice, lived on the streets, and sold myself to get by, turning into a sex addict along the way. Be glad you don’t hide behind a mask like I do. It’s nearly impossible to learn how to be authentic again when you’ve forgotten what the real you looks like.”

“Fawn—” I started to argue, but he cut me off, pressing a finger to my lips.

“You told me your family was ripped from you at the age of thirteen, and you were left to fend for yourself. Lyra, you could have ended up like me but chose to finish school, attend college, and get a job.” Fawn was now cupping my face, his expression so earnest as he spoke it had tears welling up. “You have every right to be proud of what you’ve accomplished while having no one in your corner. The way I see it, the people in your life let you down, forcing you to do everything on your own. Yet somehow, all you can see is how you failed everyone else around you. Angel, you have such a big heart and so much love to give, but the past has caused you to be so guarded. Walls take years to go up, so why do you think it would be so simple to tear them down again?”

His question hit me right in the gut. Dr. Barnett had once asked me something similar, and I hadn’t been able to give her an answer back then, nor do I have one now. Why did things have to be so hard when, for so many, it was simple? Fawn was right. I had a lot to be grateful for, and a life others would jump at the chance to have. Yet why did it feel so empty? All that finding my scent matches had done was pull the blindfold off my life and reveal the truth—I hadn’t really been living—I’d been surviving.

I nestled my face in the crook of Fawn’s neck as he hugged me tightly. He was still naked, allowing me to feel the comfort he was offering to me through his touch and scent. I picked up notes of my scent lingering, and it made me smile to think he had a little piece of me to carry with him. Of course, it would fade when he took a shower, but I was going to enjoy the moment while it lasted. The only way to have a scent of another linger was when an Alpha left their mark, bonding the Omega or Beta to them. Omegas could also leave a mark on their Alphas completing the bond. On rare occasions, Omegas have marked a Beta they feel deeply connected to, forming a pseudo bond. The Beta couldn’t leave a mark on the Omega, but they would bear the Omega’s mark, claiming them for life.

A loud knock sounded on the front door before it burst open a moment later, and there stood Eli. His chest was heaving like he’d run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, and his hair was disheveled. I could tell the moment our scents hit him, along with the knowledge that we’d been fooling around. He slowly turned his head, and his icy-blue gaze fell on us, but the blacks of his eyes were mere pinpoints.