Page 12 of Knot Now Knot Ever

I turned to look at Eli sitting there with his perfect posture and impeccable manners, which clashed with his current appearance. It made me wonder if he could ever relax or always felt like he needed to be what people expected of him. Rolling onto my side, I grabbed a soft cream-colored velvet pillow and tucked it under my head.

“It’s fine, no harm done,” I assured him. “Would it surprise you to know that wasn’t the most awkward introduction I’d ever experienced?”

Eli’s brows rose. “I can’t imagine anything much worse.”

“Oh, there is,” I argued. “Try having the mother of the man whose face is between your legs walk in on you.”

The look of horror on Eli’s face was priceless, but I got the feeling he wasn’t as reserved as he’d like people to think.

Sitting up, I clutched the pillow, trying to fight against the urge to wrap myself around Eli. It was like now that I’d gotten a taste of him, I needed more, but if I gave in, it would only make it hard when he went home.

“So, was your brother right about you not giving him many things to tease you about?” I asked.

Eli dropped his gaze and cleared his throat. “Crew is a Beta, and while I know our society doesn’t give them the respect and support they deserve, it gives him far more freedom. Of course, he would never see it that way, but one thing Alphas never talk about is the weight of expectation. Betas are free to build their lives how they want, free of judgment. However, an Alpha is expected to be a top-notch student and obtain a career that befits the leadership abilities we are naturally born with. I know my sense of duty is higher than most, making me seem cold and demanding of others.”

“I don’t think you’re cold at all,” I interjected, my hand reaching out to cover his where it was resting on his knee. “Since I met you, Eli, you’ve done nothing but bend over backward to help me, even after I told you I didn’t want a scent match.”

Eli flipped his hand over so he could hold mine in his. “My sister always tells me that I’m an iceberg. Only a little of who I am shows on the surface. All the best parts are hidden just under the surface, and you have to be willing to make the dive to see them, but it will be worth it in the end.”

“Your sister sounds like a smart person,” I said, squeezing his hand. “After everything I’ve heard about her, I hope we get to meet. She sounds pretty amazing.”

The softest smile appeared on Eli’s lips, and his demeanor relaxed slightly. “Bailey-Rose is extraordinary, and I would love for you to meet her. I know this might sound odd, but in many ways, I feel slightly more like her father than a brother. Mother always put me, as the oldest, in charge of looking out for her, making sure she didn’t push herself too hard and others didn’t get too rough when they played. I’m sure it’s because of that, Crew thinks I can’t have fun. He was the one I normally had to scold for taking it too far.”

“I believe I heard she bonded to a pack?” I asked, wanting to be sure, and he nodded. “Do you like them?”

“They adore her, and she loves them unconditionally, and that’s what matters to me,” Eli answered. “It’s hard to trust anyone to take care of someone you love, which is why I feel more like a father than a brother. Crew goes over to their house all the time or hangs out with Bailey-Rose at her art studio. Then again, they have been best friends since the beginning.”

Having never had a sibling, I wasn’t sure what the typical dynamic was between siblings, but to me, this sounded like the three of them had a special family bond. “Why don’t you go with him to visit?”

“I have,” Eli assured me. “Unfortunately, we are going through a growth period with the company, which has me working longer.”

If there were two emotions I could read on anyone’s face, they were sadness and loneliness. I’d seen it for years in my expression when I looked in the mirror. Eli was good at hiding it but not good enough to fool me. Choosing not to fight my impulse to comfort him, I crawled across so I could wrap my arms around Eli’s neck as I sat in his lap. Without hesitation, he returned the hug and just held me with his head resting on my shoulder. My fingers absently started to run through the short hair on the back of his head, knowing I enjoyed the comforting feel it gave me.

“It’s okay to admit it’s hard to be around other’s happiness when you’re lonely,” I whispered. “Trust me, I’ve been there, and you’re allowed to feel that way.”

Eli hugged me tighter for a moment then pulled me away from his chest so he could look me in the face. “I do feel that way, but I’m not sure I would have known that without meeting you. If anyone had asked me, I would have told them I had nothing to feel sad or lonely about as long as I had my family around. Yet here I am holding you and praying you’ll change your mind about sending me home so I don’t have to leave you.”

His words had my breath catching in my throat. Everything I’d feared about meeting my scent match was starting to come true. For years, I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, and a scent match wasn’t that important. It was simple biology, nothing more. However, I knew that was a lie. I’ve known it since the first time I said it, but that belief kept me alive until now.

The feel of his hands as they slid up the sides of my neck and slipped into my hair had me turning boneless. I’d let this man do whatever he wanted because, in my soul, I trusted him to take care of me. Letting out a soft sigh, my eyes fluttered closed as I enjoyed him being close, holding me, and letting his scent sink into my skin so it would linger. His lips brushed mine in a questioning manner, testing to see if I was willing. When he didn’t immediately deepen the kiss, I whimpered, and Eli wasted no time giving me what I wanted.

Unlike the frenzied kiss in the hall, he took his time, acting as if he had nowhere to be but this moment. One hand shifted to cup my cheek tenderly while the other gripped a handful of hair at the base of my neck. If Eli wanted control, I’d gladly give it to him. He was my Alpha, a man created to protect and love me like no one else could. I never experienced such a sense of rightness that this was where I belonged. All these years, I’d tried to run and hide from this achingly beautiful connection that would destroy me as easily as it completed me.

I clung to Eli as I got a glimpse into the love my mom had from not one but three Alphas. As a child, I remembered how my fathers doted on Mom and how she drank it up like a flower being watered. So much love had filled our home, and I never once questioned if it would last. Why would I? Every fairy tale I’d heard promised that true love would win, and no matter what my parents faced, they’d come out the other side even stronger. Unfortunately, the harsh reality that fairy tales are fiction and love can kill just as easily as it can heal was the ending note of my childhood.

With an aching sob, I broke from our kiss and turned my head, hoping he wouldn’t see my tears. This man had seen more than enough of me crying, and I didn’t want him to think this was a regular occurrence.

“I’m sorry, this is just a lot for me,” I explained, quickly brushing away a tear. “No doubt getting some sleep will fix me right up.” Fingers gripped my chin and forced me to look at him, but I kept my eyes closed, knowing he’d see the truth.

“Lyra, what did I say about lying to me?” Eli demanded, his tone firm yet still gentle.

My gaze snapped to his, irritated that he assumed I wasn’t being honest. “It’s not a lie.”

“But it’s not the truth,” he countered.

Emotionally raw with all that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, I shoved off his lap, needing some distance. “Look, I get we are in this strange gray area where you’re technically my boss on top of being an Alpha I’m scent-matched to. However, neither of these things entitles you to demand trust that hasn’t been earned. You want truth? Then here you go… I’d like you to please leave now.”

“Wait—”