Page 39 of One for the Money

“Listen to my voice,” Erik said, continuing to make me question what was real. “Does it sound like him?”

“No, it’s not His voice,” I admitted.

“My voice is what’s real. Let that ground you. I’m going to reach out and take your hand. Can you feel me holding it?” I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes, making it hard to see anything. “That’s it, you’re doing good, little siren. Breathe nice and deep, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Focus on my voice and the feel of my hand holding yours. Those two things are real… everything else can just fade away.”

The longer he talked, the easier it was to breathe, and finally, it felt like I had broken through the surface of the water I’d been drowning in. My body went limp, and Erik caught me against his chest as he continued to whisper reassuringly in my ear. Another hand grasped mine, and I knew it was Bear. Gripping tightly, I pulled him to me, and soon, I was sandwiched between both men. Bear’s lips caressing my bare shoulder was a balm to my soul I didn’t know I needed.

For so long, I’d been able to hide how truly broken I was, but here, in this moment, all the bandages I’d been using to hold myself together had been ripped off, exposing the young girl who thought she was ready for the world on her own. How wrong I had been. The truth was, there was nothing I could do to change the past—it already happened. Instead, I reminded myself that the strong survive. They do whatever it takes to keep on living, even if it means becoming a skeleton of who you’d once been.

One of the first things I did after getting out of the special ops unit was see a therapist. Yes, it might have been ordered by my superiors. However, the military promised they would keep my records sealed, so no one would know it was their fault I’d ended up as fucked-up as I was if I did the mandated sessions. This was the only way I could attend medical training and continue to serve.

If I’m being honest, it was the best thing I ever did for myself. It didn’t fix the fact that I’m still deeply fucked in the head from what I experienced and was forced to do, but I could cope. Learning how to cope was underrated by many, but for people like Von and me, it might be the only way we stay alive. Seeing her lost and trapped in her memories brought back the dark days I’d suffered, never knowing what was real or not and praying to God you didn’t hurt someone innocent when you came out of the nightmares.

The woman I cradled in my arm with her face buried in my neck as she rested was a survivor of something horrific. From the chaotic bits and pieces she said while trapped in her episode, I managed to make a few educated guesses. What I found even more interesting was how young her voice sounded, almost like her mind didn’t know how to process what she’d gone through as an adult.

During our medical training, we all learned the basics of mental health so we’d know what to look for, but I was no psychiatrist. That being said, I did remember something about how the brain could lock away a memory, trapping it almost in a time capsule. So anytime that memory was triggered, the person reverted to that time in their life, which was why she might have sounded different.

Hearing her plead and beg for forgiveness as I held her down after she’d hit the floor with her chin made me feel the lowest of the low. To her, I wasn’t Erik, the man she threatened to kill ten times a day, but instead, I was the being of her worst nightmare, the man she called Master. I had no doubt in my mind that she’d killed the son of a bitch—there’s no other explanation for her still being alive if she hadn’t. Von pointed out she’d been dealing with this since she was eighteen. That could only mean her abuse happened earlier in her life, which made me wish the man was still alive so I could chop him up into tiny pieces for her.

How could anyone have allowed this to happen to Von? She’d talked about family, and it seemed as though they were on decent terms. I know not everyone wins the lottery in the parent division, myself being one of them, yet I struggle to see how anyone could turn their back on a child being broken to the point Von had.

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I rolled onto my back, looking up at the ceiling in Von’s room. She’d had an abstract mural painted on it that reminded me of space, but I don’t think that’s what it was. Her domain was as lawless as she was. Nothing matched or seemed to fit one single theme, and yet, it all made sense. Indigo, black, and navy appeared to be her go-to colors, but there was a smattering of dark wine-red as well. What I hadn’t expected was the love of neon, especially when it came to lights and signs around her space. My favorite so far was the one that read It’s not gonna lick itself.

Von shifted beside me as Bear pulled her tighter against his chest and wrapped a hand possessively around her throat. It was obvious to a blind man the way he felt about her, but over the past few days, I came to realize they weren’t a couple. Well, not in the traditional sense. Bear was devoted to Von in every way imaginable, willing to do whatever it took to love her the way she needed to be loved, which is how I’d survived as long as I have. While Von might be the one to threaten me with death at any given chance throughout the day, Bear has had to stop himself from snuffing out my existence at least twice, maybe three times.

After accidentally choking out Von, I expected to die. Instead, I was dragged from the room by the chain I was attached to and instructed to fix what I’d broken. The hulking beast of a man could have killed me without a second thought—I saw it in his eyes as I cleaned up his wounds. Yet Bear’s undying love for Von and willingness to do what she needed, even if she didn’t know it, is why I can lay here in her bed.

She murmured something in her sleep as her hand fisted my shirt where it lay on my stomach. Without a second thought, I rested my own over hers, letting my thumb stroke the back of her hand. Her grip eased, and I threaded my fingers through hers, giving her something to hold onto. Nothing about how I felt toward this woman made any sense. I used to always tell the guys in my unit I didn’t think a soft or romantic bone in my body existed. Relationships weren’t important to me, especially back when I was hooked on the high of going on missions. Nothing could beat the rush of stalking through the night, picking off the enemy one by one and feeling like a god doing it.

After I left and became a veterinarian, I didn’t trust myself. No one ever came to my home, and I never slept with another person, knowing how risky it was. I’d come a long way, but triggers pop up when you least expect them, and I wasn’t going to chance killing an innocent because I didn’t want to sleep alone. Now here I was doing exactly what I said I’d never do, but there wasn’t a chance in hell I was moving from this spot until I was sure Von would be okay.

What scared me about that thought was having that level of resolve for a woman I’d just met and had no right to feel so strongly toward. None of it made sense, but maybe it didn’t have to. I’d been trying to control everything since I struggled to even control my own mind.

“You look far too deep in thought for someone lying in my bed while I’m practically naked,” Von murmured, drawing my attention.

The silk robe I’d put her in after getting the bloody clothes off of her was barely covering her body. Bear was determined to press as much of her to his naked skin as possible, so he’d pulled it off her shoulders. Even with a dark bruise blooming on her chin and stitches on her forehead, Von was stunning. If anything, the battle wounds seemed to only add to her feral beauty. The only mark I didn’t like seeing was the one from my hand around her neck, which was currently covered by Bear’s massive paw.

“Don’t worry, I’ve been daydreaming about your tits,” I teased, giving her a saucy wink. “What are your thoughts on nipple piercings? I’ll be honest, I’m surprised you bejeweled the bean and not your nips.”

A shadow flickered over her face at my question, which was quickly replaced with a toothy grin. “Who says that’s not on my to-do list? Things have been so busy around here, I just haven’t found the time. Plus, I’m pretty sure Bear would kill whoever did it because they’ve seen my boobs.”

Bear grunted his agreement and cupped them both in his hands protectively.

“If you’re seriously interested, I am a medical professional who could help you with that problem,” I offered.

Von laughed and looked back at Bear. “What do you think? Should I get some bling for these boobies?”

He sighed and accepted the fact that his nap was over, then removed his hands so he could loom over Von. It was like watching a predator examine his prey the way Bear’s eye traced over her body. He slowly traced her areola until the nipple stood tall, begging for attention. Von groaned as Bear grasped her nipple between two fingers and rolled it, making the nipple even more erect. Once it was at the point to cut glass, Bear removed his hand and admired his work.

“Your body is perfect as it is, my goddess, but you should do what makes you feel confident,” Bear answered.

Any other man saying shit like that would make me cringe, but the way Bear looked at her as he said it made me get a little hard. People with his level of obsession toward her would be medicated, yet I got it. There was something about Von—the way she could draw out your deepest desires and revelations made you want to be around her all the time.

“That settles it. When I find the perfect jewelry, I’ll have Big Red put them in for me,” Von concluded, letting her head loll to the side to meet my gaze. “Think you could make it happen while Bear’s fucking me? You know, as a distraction to the pain?”

The semi I’d been sporting since seeing Bear play with her was now a full-on rager, just picturing what that would look like. Seeing her sitting on Bear’s lap, legs splayed wide to give me enough room to get up close and personal had me nearly coming in my pants.

“Yeah…” I started, my voice cracking with how turned on I was. “I think we can make that happen.”