Page 37 of One for the Money

He just looked at me, his dark gaze seeing the truth even if I couldn’t. “I won’t let you use my body as an escape anymore, Von. Trust me, I want to bend you over and fuck you until you scream, but only if it’s because you want me. Mindless no-strings-attached sex isn’t possible between us anymore. If I’m wrong about what you want, tell me. Say the word, and I’ll fuck you so hard into the leather of your chair just to hear you scream my name as you cling to my body.”

Silence stretched between us as I tried to give him the answer he wanted to hear. My tongue froze in my mouth, refusing to lie right to Bear’s face. I did want him. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t crave the feeling of our naked bodies pressed against each other as he filled me with his cock. So why couldn’t I tell him that?

His eyes softened as he cupped my jaw, holding me still as he pressed a kiss to my lips. “It’s okay, my goddess. I’ve waited this long for you, a little longer won’t change how I feel. Rest, eat your disgusting ranch popcorn, and I’ll be back to join you soon.” With another achingly soft kiss to my forehead, Bear left just as the microwave started to beep.

Furious with myself at what just happened with Bear, I slammed my fist into the side of the microwave. This caused the damn thing to fly across the counter, hit the end of the power cord, bounce back against the wall, and fall off the counter, popping the door open. Out rolled the bag of popcorn that I didn’t even fucking want anymore. Turning on my heel, I headed for my favorite oversized leather recliner and curled up in it.

“Look at you laying there so broken and pathetic. No wonder he didn’t want to fuck you. Who wants to play with someone else’s broken toy?”

How I could hear His voice whispering into my ear so clearly made me sick. Once upon a time, that voice, with a slight accent that made it seem more refined, had comforted me. When we first met, only sweet, wonderful things came out of his mouth. He’d find every opportunity to praise me until I became addicted to it, and that’s when things changed. Then He was confident that I would do whatever it took to please him so I could get my scraps of praise that managed to keep me alive.

There were no more lazy afternoons naked in bed together, enjoying the feeling of making love. Everything he’d once given freely I then had to earn. Thanks to my skills I’d learned growing up with two older brothers who would one day take over the family crime business, I was able to survive, but it cost me everything.

“Why even try, little lamb? You know you’ll never be able to love or trust another person as long as you live. I made sure of that. You were mine, and I was never going to let you go.”

Nausea began to roll in my stomach just from hearing his voice and remembering the way He used to look at me or touch my body. He didn’t see a person but a possession, something to build up and break down at his whim. Like a child, he’d play too rough and get upset when He broke me, begging for forgiveness and showering me with love. It didn’t take me long to figure out the love-bombing stopped once he knew it was safe to play with me again.

“That’s right, my little lamb, no matter what I did, you always came back for more. The person you should be blaming for this happening isn’t me… it’s yourself. I gave you plenty of chances to run, to stop fighting, to make it all end, yet you refused to leave me. See, it’s because of that you’ll never be able to give yourself to someone else. I own you, little lamb.”

When the voices got this bad, there were only two things that worked to stop them. Grabbing my knife from my boot, I shoved down my leggings, exposing my hip. Shifting so I could get better access to the inner groin area, I let the tip of my knife leave its mark on my skin. I’d learned long ago how deep to go so I didn’t bleed too much or cause any major damage. It took three more cuts before His voice was drowned out by the burning sensation, but it took pressing the butt of the knife over the broken skin to get the pain I felt like I deserved.

“Von,” Erik’s voice snapped. “What the fuck are you doing?” He grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand away from my body.

Rage ignited within me at him daring to interfere. He had no right to step in the way of my punishment. How else was I going to prove that I was sorry?

I tried to pull my arm back, but Erik held on tight, refusing to give me what I wanted. He shifted his grip so his fingers pressed against the nerves and tendons of my wrist, forcing me to release the knife. Growling at the pain he’d cause, I launched myself at Erik, sending us both crashing to the floor. The wild, lawless fury that was always simmering just under the surface coursed through my veins. It had been His goal to make his little lamb into a monster, and he’d succeeded. What no one, not even myself, could predict was how much I enjoyed being the monster.

Using my free hand, I slammed it into Erik’s eye, knowing it would stun him and give me the chance to tug my other hand loose.

“Goddammit, Von,” Erik swore, dropping his hold on me to clutch his eye. “What the fuck has gotten into you?”

Lost in my memories and anger, I was incapable of seeing him as anything other than a threat. Every cell in my body was telling me he’d hurt me, so I needed to kill him. It was the only way to be safe. Grasping my hand, I used it to put my whole body weight into driving my elbow into Erik’s diaphragm to knock the wind out of him. There was a loud groaning grunt as he curled in on himself, knocking me to the side.

I scrambled to my feet, looking for the knife he’d stolen from me. Spotting it, I started forward, only to feel a hand wrap around my ankle and yank my leg out from under me. I crashed to the floor, my chin slamming against the tile, causing me to bite my tongue. The copper taste of blood filled my mouth, and I was once more lost in a distant memory.

“Little lamb, you disappoint me,” he said, circling me as I was tied to an X frame. “The task I gave you was simple. Win the fight.”

He paused and slammed his fist into my gut, making me cry out since he’d already broken a few ribs. “Do you know how much money I lost because of your fucking failure?” he roared, spit landing on my face. “This should have been easy… you’ve beaten men twice his size before.”

“I’m sorry, Master, but someone slipped something into my water.”

That had not been what he wanted to hear, so he decided to shut me up for the time being. Fingers wrapped around brass knuckles slammed into my jaw twice. The first hit snapped my mouth shut so hard some of my teeth chipped on top of biting my tongue. On the second, he dislocated my jaw. Seeing what he’d done, he stepped back, chest heaving with how much energy he was exerting, and wiped my blood off his chin.

“I don’t give a damn about why you failed. What I want to hear you say is it will never happen again,” he ordered, then grabbed a rag and started to clean the blood off his hands. “Speak up, little lamb, I can’t seem to hear you.”

Blood poured out of my mouth as I attempted to speak with a dislocated jaw. Seeing how far I was willing to go to please him was the final straw. The blindfold came off, and I saw the truth—this man didn’t give a fuck about me. When I couldn’t say what he wanted, he growled in frustration, gripped my jaw, and shoved it back into place.

“There, now fucking tell me what I want to hear.”

“It will never happen again, Master,” I managed to get out, trying not to pass out with how much pain I was suffering. Satisfied with my answer, he grabbed his suit coat and left the room, leaving me tied up and bleeding.

“It will never happen again because I’ll fucking kill you first.”

“Bear, you need to calm the fuck down,” Erik ordered. “She’s fine, but I had to knock her out. It was the safest thing for her.”

My whole body felt stiff, but the throbbing ache in my jaw was drawing my focus away from all that. Trying to swallow, I grimaced at the lingering taste of blood and how dry my mouth felt.

“Water,” I croaked, trying to move, but my body felt like lead.