Page 14 of Revenge & Truth

All the emotions I’d locked away inside those walls crashed into me like a tidal wave. Hope, anger, pain, and loneliness rioted, causing my body to shake with their impact. I jammed my elbow into his ribs, making him curse and drop his arms.

“What the fuck, Astin.” He groaned.

“How dare you!” I screamed at him. “Fuck you and your insecurities. Nothing you just told me had a goddamn thing to do about me. You needed to be worthy. You thought this was the only way. You wanted to help build the foundation for me to be a leader. You, you, motherfucking you,” I ranted, shoving him with every use of the word ‘you.’

“What about me?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Everyone did so much to prepare me for the future that they forgot I might need someone by my side in the now. When you left, I was alone. Yeah, I had Glenda, but it’s not the same as having a best friend to hold your hand when you have nightmares about your training. That poor woman had to sit there and tend to all my injuries. She should never have had to do that because every mark hurt her, which in turn, hurt me even more. So I don’t want to hear about your problems or why you thought this was best for me when I had to suffer alone.”

“Astin—”

“No.” I cut him off, waving a hand in front of his face. “Fuck you, fuck my father, fuck the Family, and fuck all the bullshit that’s turned me into a fucking monster.” My head started to pound the more worked up I got. My heart ached like what little was left of it was about to shatter.

“Just go,” I rasped, turned away, and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold on until he left. All I wanted to do now was crawl into bed and hide for the rest of the night.

There was no response from Ryker or the sound of footsteps leaving, so I glanced back at him. I found him standing there watching me, not budging an inch.

“I told you to leave,” I said.

“You did, but I’m not going to,” he answered. “This all started because I left you when you needed me most. I won’t make that mistake again.”

Anger roared in my ears like the beating of a drum as I spun to face him. “Now you choose to make a stand? Oh no, it’s far too late for that, Ry. If you won’t leave, then I’ll make you leave… perks of being the queen bitch you so dearly wanted me to be.”

“Do what you feel you have to, but I’m not leaving you or this room so you can deal with the pain I’ve created all on your own,” Ryker told me while sitting on the edge of my bed.

I marched up to him, grabbed his throat, and squeezed. “If you won’t leave on your own, then I’ll just wait until you’ve passed out. Then I’ll have Boykov drag your ass back to your room, making sure to take the stairs so you remember not to fuck with me when I tell you to leave.”

“It’s fine. I still love you, Astin Caprioni,” Ryker croaked.

Frowning, I gripped tighter. “You know I almost killed you once, now here I am willing to choke you out to get you to leave my room, and you say you love me?”

“Yeess,” he managed to say, causing me to loosen my grip in shock. “There is no reason to live if I can’t be by your side. Either I can find a way to fix things between us or let you kill me so you’re not in pain anymore. As long as you are happy, safe, and healthy, I will be content.”

I yanked my hand away, gawking at him. “You think your death would make me happy?”

“Only you know the answer to that,” he answered.

“Holy fuck, you’d really let me kill you,” I stated, not needing him to confirm, but he nodded anyway. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“It does when you’re in love. You’d do just about anything for the person you love,” Ryker explained as he cupped my cheek. “You’ve suffered so much, and I’m partly to blame. All I want is to love you however you need me to.”

I searched his face, studying those copper-green eyes I’d loved for so long and found the same feeling reflected at me. Hesitantly, I leaned in but stopped, fear of being hurt again holding me back from closing those final few inches.

“Astin, I made you a blood oath when I was just a boy, not knowing what it meant, but I do now. I give you my life, loyalty, and love. Should I ever fail or abandon you again, then my life should be forfeited. With these words, I so swear,” Ryker whispered, drawing me to him ever so slowly, giving me a chance to pull away or say stop, but I was done running.

Our lips met in a chaste kiss as if he wasn’t sure if I was truly on board. The next kiss was more intentional, deeper, full of suppressed emotion, and breaking the dam. Giving in, I straddled him before shoving him back to lie on the bed. I grabbed his face as he fisted my hair at the base of my skull with one hand and wrapped the other around my waist, holding me tight. Like everything else about our relationship now, our kiss was a battle of wills to see who was in charge. It was a kiss full of hunger and anger with sharp nips and eagerly sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, giving it a slight tug. He groaned, but once I freed him, he used his hold in my hair to yank back my head, exposing my neck. Slowly, he kissed, nipped, and licked the column of flesh, making me moan as I ground my pussy against him.

Ryker surged forward and flipped us over, so he loomed over me, his eyes bright with heat and excitement. I could feel his hot, ragged breaths against my skin, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Yanking his shirt out of his pants, I cursed that he always wore a button-down, but he had a better idea and ripped the whole fucking thing open before tossing it on the floor. My hand brushed over his muscular and smooth chest, with a slight golden color that always seemed present whether he’d been out in the sun or not.

My fingers stopped when I came to a single tattoo placed over his heart. It was an aster flower and a crescent moon with a small bejeweled pocket knife I’d have recognized anywhere. “When did you do this?” I asked.

“The day I left. I needed to know I had you etched on my body so I could take a piece of you with me wherever I ended up,” he answered, clasping my hand and kissing the palm. “This might sound cheesy as shit, but I needed others to know my heart was already taken, and it would never be given to another.”

“You’re right… that is cheesy but also romantic as fuck,” I said, drawing him back down so I could kiss him. “This isn’t forgiveness. No matter how much I love you, it’s going to take work for me not to think you’ll leave again.”

Ryker smiled as he brushed his nose against mine. “I understand, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help earn back your trust,” he whispered against my lips, his hand cupping my face. “As long as you still love me, there’s hope.”

“Yeah, I still fucking love you,” I said with a dramatic sigh. “Can the talking be done now so you can fuck me? We have a lot of missed time to make up for.”

“Oh, don’t you worry… I plan to fuck you all night long, Tin-Tin,” Ryker assured me with a searing kiss before sitting back and ripping my blouse open. “Fuck buttons.”