Page 23 of Knot All Is Ruined: Part 2

Chapter eleven

When the smell of food woke me and I followed my nose out here, I hadn’t planned on laying down a gauntlet between Lucian and me, but here we are. It didn’t matter what I understood why he was telling me I couldn’t fight, his intentions were loud and clear in our bond, but I wasn’t going to let fear stop me.

“Look, I realized this is exactly what I freaked out about earlier, thinking of losing one of you for doing your job. The military is a dangerous life to live when you put yourself on the front lines to defend others. My panic was real. The mere thought of one of you dying makes me sick to my stomach,” I shared, walking up to Lucian. “But there’s another side of this for me. If I’ve been given the opportunity to make a difference in this world for Omegas, how can I just let it pass me by? I’d never be able to look at myself in the mirror, for all I’d see is the hundreds of Toris and Violets left to survive this on their own. They withstand being raped, bearing a child, and then having it taken away from them countless times if they don’t die in childbirth. Heaven forbid they become an Omega who’s never had a child. They get put to death because we can’t spare the food for someone who can’t give back to the army. What kind of life is that?”

Lucian reached out and took my hand, sadness welling up inside him even if he didn’t show it. “I know,” he whispered. “I know you won’t let me hide you away, keep you safe, and protect you from the realities of war. You’re too stubborn for that, not to mention the compassion you have for others would never allow you to walk away.” Pressing his lips to the palm of my hand, he held my gaze, letting me see what I was feeling through our connection. “I had to try. Even if you never spoke to me again, I had to at least try.”

“Then teach me how to protect myself,” I urged. “You want to keep me safe, then use all that knowledge in your brain and teach me what I need to know. Work with Sorin and the others while we do what needs to be done to gather our army and get me as ready as possible for this fight.”

He didn’t answer immediately as he pulled me to sit on his other side. Victor got up, dished me a bowl, and handed it over like he’s been doing for the past week. “Thanks, Vicky, but you know I can get my food myself. There’s no one here you need to worry about messing with me. It’s just us.”

Victor just glared at me and pointed to the bowl. “Eat.”

Rolling my eyes, I dug into the meal and moaned as the stew hit my taste buds. “Holy shit, how did you two make something so good out of the random stuff you found here?”

The guys all smiled, and Toma chuckled. “Cris won’t tell us. He says it's a family secret from his mother.”

“Vicky, wouldn’t you know what it is since you help cook?” I pressed.

The big man smirked. “Little Spark, I just chop shit. Cris does the actual work, but I always help since we can’t risk him cutting himself and I need to keep busy. It’s a win-win if you ask me.”

“Why does that not surprise me,” I sighed, but the food was too good for me to get distracted from it.

“Cris, is your mother from the North?” Lucian asked.

“Yes, she was an Omega that was rescued from the North. She was found wandering the badlands after she escaped by my father,” Cris shared. “They’ve been together ever since, but over the past few years, Father has been stationed at another base that he oversees. Mother didn’t want to leave her work helping other refugee Omegas, so she stayed close to the city and base. It’s where they bring all rescued Northerners.”

Lucian nodded as he took another spoonful of stew. “My mother used to make her stew like this as well. I’m surprised you can find the herb here in the South.”

“I always collect some when we get close to the border,” Cris said. “It grows untouched in the no-man's-land between the two countries. Mother loves it when I bring some back for her to cook with. She says it helps the girls feel like they’re home.”

A wistful expression crossed Lucian’s face. “Your mother sounds like a rather amazing woman. I’m glad she’s found a home and can live a life she’s proud of.”

Feeling that the emotions in the room were running high, I decided to change the subject slightly. “You should experience the couch she has. It’s every Omegas dream. I got to sit in it once. I swear I didn’t want to leave, it was that amazing.”

“I know it’s catnip for Omegas, but I have to say we all fight over who gets to sit on it when we visit,” Petru added. “Maybe when things settle down, we can have one ordered for our own home?”

Everyone perked up at that. “A home, like an actual house that’s ours to do with as we like? One where there's a kitchen, living room, and everyone can have their own room? A place to come back to after being gone and relax?”

The guys seemed surprised by my excitement. Granted, I didn’t get excited about too much these days, but the prospect of having a place that was mine, well ours? That was a dream I’d let go of since being snatched out of my childhood home. Even if I found a pack, there was no guarantee things would work out the way you’d like. If they already had an established palace and designed the nest in anticipation of being matched with an Omega, it wouldn’t be the same as a place I put together myself.

“I had no idea the thought of having a home would appeal to you so strongly,” Sorin commented. “Honestly, now that I think about it from the viewpoint of an Omega, it makes sense. You’ve never had a nest, have you?”

Shaking my head slowly, I dropped my gaze and started to pick at the dry skin around my nails. There were things, dreams if you will, that I gave up thinking about roughly six months into living in Asturg. It was hard to see the possibility of something as stable as a home, let alone the luxury of a nest. I do believe that some Omegas suffered from not having these things, especially when they went into heat or were pregnant. The secluded room was nothing special or comforting; it was just as it sounded—secluded. We Omegas were wired a certain way, and just as Cris’s mom explained that I was starved for physical comfort, we could be starved for the stability that a home and nest provided.

“All right then, when all of this is said and done, finding a home will be at the top of the list,” Sorin told me. “Also, we are most definitely getting one of those couches. I can only imagine what it would be like to take a nap on it with you in my arms, Dani-girl.”

The blush that heated my cheeks at his words surprised me. I honestly didn’t think I could still blush, but Toma had managed to pull off the same thing a few days ago.

“See, I keep telling her she needs to do that more often. Look how adorable she is right now,” Toma pointed out, making my blush even worse.

All the tension was gone from the room, and the conversation tapered off as we dug into our food. When we were done, Petru and I collected the dishes and washed up from dinner. The two of us worked in companionable silence, just enjoying each other's company. At one point, I leaned my head against his shoulder as I dried the dish I held.

“What is it, Wildflower?” Petru murmured. “Something wrong, or are you too tired? If you need to go back to bed, I can finish this.”

“No, I’m fine,” I sighed. “I just can’t believe you came for me, and you’re all still here.”

Taking the dish out of my hand and setting it down, Petru grabbed my waist and hoisted me up on the counter so we were at eye level. He didn’t speak, just rested his forehead against mine and focused entirely on being here with me. After a few moments, I pressed my lips to his kissing him deeply with all the feelings I didn’t know how to say. For me, actions always spoke louder than words so that’s what I tried to do when I was at a loss. Petru used a hip to widen my legs so he could stand between them and pull me against his body. He slipped a hand in my hair holding me in place as we indulged in deep, slow kisses enjoying the physical contact.