Page 27 of Blood & Heartache

“Azzy,” Athos said, exasperated. “That wasn’t what I was trying to do. Colmazio told us that he was placing people around you who could be of help to you, watch your back, and maybe become more. Did you think the large bed was just a fashion trend? Your father loved more than one woman, so why would he think you might not do the same? I agree some of us didn’t handle his choice to marry your mother and Casimira secretly in Italy. On my end, it was more so due to the trouble it could cause the business if the founding families decided to cut him off and make trouble.”

“But they didn’t… right?” I questioned. “In fact, they sent someone to help train me, didn’t they?”

My uncles looked at each other before Mathis once again rubbed the back of his neck. With that reaction, he didn’t really need to tell me anything more, but I wanted them to tell me what really happened. How the hell did I end up with a darkness so deep it took over my whole body?

“Your training during the three years we were with you was normal, the same as the three of us went through growing up. Granted, your father kept you in the loop of all things business which wasn’t normal, but it made sense since you weren’t learning firsthand here. When we were called back, that’s when the man Frediano sent arrived,” Mathis shared. “I was livid that Colmazio allowed that bastard to have any involvement with your life, but this was customary for his line. If you were to inherit, then you had to follow the same standards.”

“During that time, you not only were put through rigorous physical and mental training, but you also learned everything about the Raffa line and business as well. When things went wrong, and they had to change your memories, that part was locked away too because of how closely the two intertwined,” Athos added.

“Wait,” I interrupted, holding up a hand. “You know about all that?”

They nodded.

“Yet none of you did anything?” I shouted, anger rushing through my veins. “You three just left me to be tortured to the point my mind broke and had to create some twisted version of myself to survive? Why? What purpose did that serve anyone?”

Athos looked pained, his eyes haunted. “We didn’t find out until you started killing.”

“Excuse me?” I snapped.

“When you completely lost yourself to your alter, you killed all your trainers and guards, leaving only Glenda alive. That’s when we brought in psychological help, but that didn’t go well either. Three were killed before we found someone who thought of the idea to wipe your memory with hypnosis. He warned us that it might not be permanent, that the more you know about what had happened, it would weaken the influence. None of us ever talked about it once the real you came back to us,” Mathis said, his voice rough with emotion. “We want you to be happy and healthy, so the longer we could keep this from you, the better chance the suggestion given to you would last.”

Sliding my hands into my hair, I gripped the roots tightly, causing pain to jolt through me. “Get. Out,” I said through clenched teeth.

“A—”

“I said… get the fuck out,” I screamed and took the decanter of brandy on the side table and whipped it in their direction.

They were lucky I hadn’t really been aiming at them since their response time would have gotten them at least knocked out or even killed. Thankfully, they got the hint, though, and got up to leave without another word.

Chapter 12

The darkness in me raged, fighting to be free, demanding we make them pay for what they’d done to us. I couldn’t let her win even if I agreed with her. When Darkness took over, I lost control, and I couldn’t let that happen here. Too many people I cared about and needed were in this house to risk not being able to stop myself from hurting them. What my uncles didn’t realize is I’d been more aware of what happened than they thought. I could hear Darkness whispering to me, making me relive memories in my dreams and itching to shed blood. Thankfully, my normal physical routine of working out helped to keep my emotions more even. Stealing had become another thing that helped quell the darkness.

Stealing had been fun and something I enjoyed—my rebellious stage, I suppose you can call it. The mental challenge was what I craved after being locked away from the world for so long. Then once Darkness made herself known, it gave me a place to use Darkness’s devious nature to pull off harder jobs. What I had to fight against was Darkness’s desire to not only steal the object but their lives as well. She believed the world would be a better place without people who added no value to our lives. I suppose what my uncles said was true—the influence the hypnotherapist used was becoming weaker. The darkness was getting more powerful, and when I welcomed her with open arms the other night and let her exact our revenge, it only made her stronger.

Would things be different if I knew what happened all along? Would I be able to find a way to put myself back together? I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to do some research and find out what options I might have. God-fucking-dammit. Like I didn’t have enough to deal with already. Now I had to worry I might lose myself to the darkness and slaughter the whole goddamn city.

“Lady Astin.” Boykov’s deep, steady voice broke through my mental spiral.

“Yes,” I answered without lifting my head.

“Is there anything I can assist you with?” he asked, allowing me to either talk about what just happened or not.

I looked up at the man. He was a fucking giant, the picture-perfect bodyguard dressed in a black suit. All he needed was a pair of sunglasses he never took off, and he’d match every movie’s depiction of a badass mafia grunt. Only this man had a heart of gold, at least with me, that is.

“Can you promise me something?” I asked.

The man slipped his hand into his pockets and cocked his head to look at me. “Depends… tell me what it is, and I’ll let you know.”

How the fuck had Daddy left this man on door duty? Boykov was exactly how all personal bodyguards needed to be—honest, blunt, and never committed to something until they understood the expectations.

“Smart man.” I grinned. “Could you promise me that you won’t lie to me? I’m not talking about if I ask you how I look and you hate it kind of a lie. When I ask that, I mean, if you find out something about the guys, my uncles, hell, even Glenda, you won’t keep it from me. I get that your job is to protect me, but don’t do it by lying or withholding information, and allow me the chance to choose. The more time I spend here, the more I find out things I should’ve had the right to know about.”

Boykov shocked me when he sat across from me and leaned forward so we were eye to eye. “Astin, I want to make that promise, to give you that assurance there’s one person in the world who won’t keep secrets from you. I get the need to ask for that, but—”

“Oh God, there’s a but.” I groaned.

He gave me a scolding look then continued, “But… I can’t make a blanket promise to that effect. What I can do is promise that if there’s information I’ve become aware of, and could directly cause you harm, then you’ll hear about it. That being said, if the information might not be about you specifically but one of the people in your inner circle, then I might suggest you and that person have a conversation. They deserve the chance to tell you what’s going on. Some things, as I’m sure you’re keenly aware of, should be shared by the person directly.”