Page 22 of Blood & Heartache

“Atty, you’re going to bed. You didn’t get nearly enough sleep last night, and I need you to be well-rested, ready to get to work tomorrow,” I instructed. The poor guy looked half asleep as it was just sitting there.

He nodded, got to his feet, and pulled off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. “Thank you, Astin, for understanding the importance of that for me. I realize needing to ensure I have that amount of sleep might not always be a possibility, but trying where I can will only help moving forward.”

“Sleep well, Atty,” I murmured as he too left.

Now it was just Braxton and Gunner I needed to contend with. I was itching to get back to my room so I could start looking into things—checking to see if any of the files on that drive I got from the journal had anything about the Old Guard or even Flora.

“You two should head back to your rooms too. I’m sure we could all use the rest. Things are going to get worse before they get better, so take the chance while you can,” I suggested.

“Astin…” Gunner said hesitantly, then waved it off. “Never mind, it can wait. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

My gaze narrowed on him as he walked away. It was easy to tell that whatever was eating at him was only getting worse. Was it wrong for me to give him time to come talk to me about it? Should I be pressing him, forcing him to come clean and spit it out? Most of the time, I was so good at dealing with people, but when they were someone I saw as more than just a human in my orbit, it became much harder to trust my instincts.

“Let him be,” Braxton commented, breaking my circle of doubt and indecision. “The boss kept him pretty isolated within the manor or the company building downtown. He’s never seen the dirty side of our world like he has since you arrived. In some way, I think he also feels responsible for your father’s death. Like you pointed out, if he’d pushed back and challenged your father’s choices, things might have happened differently.”

That assumption had never occurred to me. While that logic wasn’t wrong, my father was also someone who wasn’t going to be talked out of his decision without firm proof something was wrong. Seeing as Harrison was believed to be such a good friend, I’m not sure he’d have ever listened to what Gunner had to say.

“That definitely might be part of it, but something’s changed between him and me. Not that we were all that tight before, but he certainly didn’t look at me like I might suddenly attack him, either.” Shifting in my seat to face Braxton, I cocked my head. “What about you? Has seeing the darkness I hold inside me made you scared of me?”

Braxton reached out and cupped my cheek. “All of us have darkness inside us of some kind. Those who choose to deny it are the ones I fear. You, my queen, not only acknowledge it’s there but use it for a greater purpose. If it weren’t for you doing what you did in that bar, your father wouldn’t have been the only one we lost. None of us were prepared for that kind of ambush save you.”

“You know that’s not why I killed them all? It wasn’t to save you,” I pointed out. “I didn’t even know who Ryker was as I held the gun to his head. If it hadn’t been for Luca, I’d have killed my best friend.” Looking down at my hand, I rubbed the scar, remembering the moment we swore to always be there for each other.

Braxton let his hand fall from my face to take the scarred hand in both of his. “Ryker has a mark like this on his palm too.”

“A stupid idea we had as kids to make a blood pact like they used to back in the day. Proof to the mafia boss that you would be forever loyal, having already willingly spilled your own blood for each other.” The brush of his thumb over the mark was an oddly intimate sensation to the point I almost wanted to pull my hand away, but I didn’t.

“Would it be odd to say I’m jealous that he has a mark showing your claim on him? That you two have a bond so deep, even now with how angry you are at him about lying and cutting off communication. You never doubt he’ll keep you safe.” He lifted his chocolate brown eyes to meet mine. “How do you build that kind of trust with someone?”

I knew he had no idea how that question was like a knife to the chest because I’d never found that level of trust with anyone before or after Ryker. It forced me to look at our history together to answer that. While it seemed like a fairly simple question, it was anything but.

“Ryker was all that I had besides Glenda. He was the one person I never had to hide who I was, what my family did, what happened to my mother, and why I’d been sent away and forced to live in another country. Many times, Ryker knew what I needed before I did and made it happen. We fought for each other because we needed one another to survive those who wanted to latch onto us. People wanted to be my friend only to use my name, money, status, or whatever they deemed would give them a leg up in the world. Ry, he didn’t give a shit about any of that. I was just his Tin-Tin,” I shared, tears welling up in my eyes. “When he left me and cut off all communication, it was like he took part of my heart with him and left me broken. If he’d been there when all the training happened, I wouldn’t have been alone in my own mind. Maybe that would have kept me from splintering the way I did.”

Braxton lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the scar letting his touch linger. “My queen, you’re far from broken, and you’re definitely not alone anymore. We still have a long way to go before we deserve these same marks on our hands but know that’s my goal.”

Pausing, he shifted me back on the couch and straddled my hips but didn’t put any weight on my legs as he forced me to look up into his eyes. It was clear he had something important to say. With my carefully crafted walls crumbled to rubble around my feet, I might actually hear what he was going to tell me.

“I asked once before, and I’m well aware my timing always sucks,” he stated with a wry smile. “But getting you alone is rare, so I have to make do where I can. This is going to sound sudden, rushed, and your worst nightmare being someone who fears attachment to others, even though I know that life is too short not to take the chance. Coming away from that horrible night we all almost died, two things became crystal clear to me. One is Jace means far more to me than I realized. Don’t worry, I’ll have a conversation with him another time. The second is I’ve figured out what I’ve been searching for, that missing piece. I thought it was sex, drugs, alcohol, and people, but none of that touched the void.” Taking a deep shuddering breath, he rested his forehead against mine.

I could feel Braxton’s emotions through his body as I wrapped my arms around him. The desperation for me to understand what he was feeling poured off him. That was more terrifying than what he might have to say because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to be what he needed.

“I’d almost given up, resigning my life to be incomplete. Then out of nowhere, a stunning woman appeared in my world. She called me on my shit, didn’t fall for the games, and when she looked at me, I wasn’t the fuck boy who likes to party and is fun to be around but has no other value. To be honest, I don’t know what she sees in me. All I know is I want to give her anything she asks of me. Finally, I understood what the missing piece was. The part of me I couldn’t put into words because I was ashamed of admitting it. I crave being owned by a person, someone who will value the submission I choose to give. It’s you, Astin. I ache for that trust between us where I can give what you need, support you, and make sure you never fucking believe you’re alone and broken ever again. You, my queen, are perfect in my eyes, battle scars and all.”

This man was reaching into his own chest and offering up his heart to me. The risk he was taking to share all this with me, not knowing if I’d give him an answer he wanted, was truly amazing. Pushing him to the side, I rolled us so I was now on top, cradled between his legs, holding me to him. Leaning forward, I kissed him, a chaste brushing of the lips at first, but when I pressed for more, he opened up to me willingly. It wasn’t rushed or frenzied but as if we were taking the time to explore one another, letting our tongues glide along each other as his arms wrapped around me, hugging me tightly.

Breaking the kiss, I stroked his cheek with my thumb as I searched his expression. I needed to know this was what he truly wanted, that he wasn’t just telling me what he thought I wanted from him. My fear was that the sassy man who couldn’t hold back from telling the dirty joke or teasing me would vanish if I agreed to this. I sucked at letting others take care of me—this fucking gunshot in my leg was making that apparent to everyone. Yet it also made me face the reality that sometimes in life you don’t have a choice in the matter, and I was lucky to have these guys willing to put up with my stubborn ass.

“Brax…” I started then paused, trying to collect my thoughts. “I hear you, and every word of what you just told me I absorbed, which isn’t always the case for me when it comes to emotional moments. What you’re offering me is something so incredibly precious, and I want to make sure that this is something I can give you. It would be wrong of me to blindly say yes when I’m not sure what exactly we both expect out of a dynamic like this. Will you respect that my answer is that I’m open to discussing this further? You need to talk with Jace and deal with the relationship you already have. Once that happens, I’d really like to talk about this with the three of us. I can’t have something between us if it’s going to hurt him and cause problems for all seven of us who have to work together.”

Braxton tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear as he gave me a warm smile. “I can respect that choice and agree it’s the right call. Things are different for you now, and it’s not just yourself you need to think of when making choices. You represent the whole Caprioni Family. What you do will ripple throughout the organization. I’m in no rush for this to happen, any relationship takes time to build, but I needed you to know my feelings. I had to know if there was even a chance.”

“There is a chance, and if everyone is on the same page, we can explore this further,” I assured him, relieved that he wasn’t upset. “So would this be a bad time to ask for your help getting back to my room? I think this will be our last relaxing day for a while, and I should take my own advice to get some sleep.”

“As my queen requests, I shall be happy to do,” Braxton answered, pulling me down for a slow, lingering kiss before releasing me and getting to his feet. “I should probably warn you that after what happened last night, Ryker wants one of us to sleep with you so we can keep the nightmares away.”

“Controlling bastard,” I muttered as Braxton hoisted me in his arms.

Jace purposely didn’t use the wheelchair so he could carry me in here. These guys were getting a little too comfortable with me not being able to retaliate.