Page 37 of A Siren of Beasts

“No, Little Siren,” he rumbled in a voice so deep I felt it in my chest. “Do not approach me right now, I’m not in control of my body. If you were to touch me or I smelled more of your intoxicating scent, I would ravage you right on this table. I will not treat you like those humans did. You are far too precious for that.”

Shoving to his feet, I watched as he struggled to keep his form small enough to move around the house. Closing his eyes, he balled his hands into fists like he was begging his own body to listen to him.

“I must leave here and get myself under control. Don’t follow me, Little Siren, I will hate myself if anything happens to you at my hand.” With that Hisceas stormed out of the room through a back door that must lead right out to the forest.

Stunned at his reaction I turned my attention to Rhun. “Do you need to leave too?” I asked in a whisper.

Rhun shook his head and reached out to cover my hand with his. It was so warm and comforting, exactly what I needed right now. I couldn’t explain it but having Hisceas leave and knowing I was the cause of it hurt. It made my chest ache in a way I’d never known it could, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

“Zia,” Rhun murmured as he shoved out of his chair and stood.

I turned away from him, not able to watch him walk away from me too. His strong arms scooped me up to cradle me against his chest and his forehead pressed against mine, and that bone-rattling purr radiated through his body. Wrapping my arms around his neck I buried my face in his soft thick fur. The smoky spice of his scent comforted me as I felt him take a seat again, adjusting me enough that he could rub a hand soothingly on my back.

“Talk to me, Zia, tell me what’s upset you?” Rhun urged after a while.

“I don’t know what’s wrong,” I answered, my voice muffled by his fur.

His hand slid into my hair before he fisted it and firmly tugged so I had no choice but to lift my head. “Now, let’s try that again.”

The firmness in his tone told me I’d better answer him truthfully or he’d know. “That’s part of the problem, I don’t know what’s upset me. There’s this pain in my chest like someone’s trying to tug my heart out of my chest. I feel…” Pausing, I searched for the right word for this emotion I’d never encountered. “Sad?” I offered, it sounded more like a question than anything.

“Is it because you think Hisceas rejected you?” Milin questioned in a soft caring tone.

He’d moved over to where Rhun had been sitting, since Rhun had apparently taken my chair when he’d sat back down. The ent leaned forward on the table, his glowing gaze fixed on me with concern written all over his face. How hard it must be to share a body with another personality that was so opposite to his own.

“I… I don’t think I’ve ever been rejected before, not by someone I cared about, at least. There wasn’t a chance for me to be rejected with how many people sought me out or fought for my time. None of that mattered to me, I couldn’t care less if they wanted me or not. Fish food is who was my master and I knew he always wanted me. It’s why he’d never sell me to someone else,” I shared, trying to explain why I was so uncertain.

“Song Bird, why do you think Hisceas doesn’t want you?” Milin pressed, cocking his head as he waited for my answer.

I licked my lips trying to sort out my feelings but they were new, chaotic, and just when I thought I could put my finger on it the answer fluttered away. Turning, I looked where he’d been sitting seeing the evidence of his emotions and the door that was still half open in his hurry to leave.

“He left,” I murmured.

A rough bark covered hand cupped my cheek and turned me to face Milin. He swiped his thumb over my cheek and I realized he was wiping away a tear. “Yes, he left the table and the room, but he didn’t leave you.”

“He couldn’t get out of here fast enough and was afraid he was going to hurt me,” I blurted, my feelings welling up and spilling out of my mouth. “Gods, listen to me. I sound like all those girls in the palace each time a man led them on, promised them the world, then remembered he had a wife to go home to. I used to pity them for not being able to see that we were nothing but a distraction to them from the real world.” I took a shuddering breath as I tried to calm myself down from this ridiculous flurry of emotions.

“Zia, you are not one of them, not even a little bit,” Rhun stated, a growl looming in his voice. “Those humans didn’t deserve you, and they certainly didn’t know your worth. To all four of us you are treasured beyond anything else, and Hisceas is trying to show you that. He is a guardian, his sole purpose of existence is to protect what he’s been put in charge of. Right now, that’s you.”

“For once, the mutt’s right,” Imp admitted, sounding like it almost hurt him to admit. “That guardian has been asleep for centuries and was awoken by his creator for the purpose of saving you, Shiny. He hasn’t rejected you, far from it.”

He rose and traced a talon over the gouges in the table. “This right here is because your need hit him so hard it made him lose control. If you hadn’t noticed, that’s something he seems to pride himself on being able to flaunt in all our faces. When he couldn’t control himself he got scared he might hurt you so he left, but mark my word, he’ll be back and on his knees asking for your forgiveness for making you doubt your worth.”

Gods I hoped so because I wasn’t sure I could take living with this pain.

seventeen

Blindly, I moved through the forest not caring what branches hit me or trees I knocked over in my haste. I’d lost all control of containing my size, and I felt my body expand until there was no more sensation of trees hitting me and my steps made the ground shudder. The night air whipped around me as if chastising me for leaving her like that. I had to, there was no way I could have maintained control. Everything about me was dangerous to her, my size, strength, and magic were unlike any other monster on this continent. I’d been created to guard the sea, to prevent anything from making it to our shores and destroying our world.

I’d failed in that duty.

It didn’t matter that the queen had told me to let them pass, it wasn’t her place to make that call. The gods had charged me with my mission and purpose, only they were who I should have listened to. Ashamed of my failures I ran and hid in the depths, refusing to witness what I had allowed on our land. The queen had a big heart but she was also easily swayed by it. Her curiosity of what and who the humans were clouded her judgment, permitting them to colonize her.

What had that brought us? Nothing but pain, loss, and madness.

Now here was the queen’s heir, her direct offspring, who the queen had given up to live among the humans so she might right the wrongs I took part in. The gods had to be punishing me when they put my Little Siren’s fate in my hands. Everything about that terrified me. The way I couldn’t seem to breathe without knowing where she was, who she was with, and if she was safe.

When I arrived that night to find her missing from the village I dropped her off at and heard them talking about my Little Siren being an evil monster—I saw red. The ones who were monsters on this land were them. They’d come and stolen it from us, banishing us to this forest when we’d roamed the lands freely. There was no fear of being hunted and your body ripped apart for them to use in crude ways to keep themselves alive. Humans were never supposed to find this place, the magic in our soil fed so many of our species in a symbiotic relationship. Now I could feel that our land was dying, the madness was taking more from us than our minds. It was leeching off the magic that created the first of all our creatures, killing us slowly. Kezia was the key to winning it all back, I knew it in my soul.