Page 35 of When The Mountains Held Us

“Maybe…” He repeats the word as if he’s picking it apart in his mind and trying to figure out the way it works. The real meaning behind it.

“Yeah, maybe.” I shrug. “But not today.”

He grins at me, and my eyes trace the lines of his face, noting his tan skin and the dark stubble that outlines his angular jaw. The way his hair looks even darker and more tousled when it's wet. I want to run my fingers through it to see if it's as soft as it looks. The way his pine-colored eyes have a tinge of blue in them, no doubt caused by the reflection of the water.

“Do you think everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason?” I don’t know what prompted me to blurt out the question, but I wait with bated breath for his answer.

He’s quiet for a moment, contemplating. “To an extent, yeah. But I’ve seen too many bad things happen to good people for no reason at all. It’s hard for me to say that those things were meant to be.”

“What if it’s karma? Like someone was really bad in a past life, and the universe is getting back at them for it in this one?”

“I mean, sure, we could talk about karma and how what goes around comes around. But when you go by that logic, you’re actually placing the blame on yourself then, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Take my mom, for example. My dad was an asshole. Like, a grade-A asshole. Drank too much, and sometimes he’d hurt my mom. Sometimes he’d hurt me.”

My body goes still, hanging on the edge of a tightrope, waiting for him to continue.

He clears his throat. “Does that mean I was a bad person in a past life and deserved it? I don’t think it does. I think if we blame the bad things that happen to us on karma, it’s just another way of convincing ourselves that it’s our fault.”

“Did it change you?”

He gives me a melancholy look that shakes me to my core. It’s not a new look. It’s always been there, I realize. I just have a name to put to it now. How did I not recognize it before?

“Of course it did. Everything in life does. The trick is being able to recognize that change and decide if you’re happy with how you turned out. You can do that fifty years from now, but there’s no way to turn back the clock. Or…” He trails off, and I nudge him with my elbow.

“Or…?”

“Or you can do it now. Every day. Growth is a part of life. We can resist it all we like, but, in the end, we’re only doing ourselves a disservice by not embracing it. It doesn’t always come easily. I’m still working on it, myself.”

In this gentle moment, among the sounds of nature and the rumble of his voice, a few things are becoming apparent.

Levi is way smarter than I originally gave him credit for.

All of a sudden, I’m back up on that cliff, in the moment before I jumped, where I felt the clutches of fear, heartache, and rejection tearing at my skin and trying to drag me back from the edge.

This time, though, it has nothing to do with my past and everything to do with the man floating next to me, baring his soul like he doesn’t have a shred of worry in the world. Like he wants me to see this part of him.

Because, despite having just met him, I feel like I know him. Like part of my soul knows part of his on some intrinsic level and was just waiting for me to recognize him.

I think I’m falling for him and that scares the shit out of me.

But remember the freedom as you fell?

Nineteen

Levi

“Come on. I want to show you something.” I send a splash of water towards Oakley and she giggles, sending an even larger splash back. I lower my voice in playful warning. “Watch yourself, darlin’. Don’t start something you can’t finish.” Her eyes go wide and, of course, my mind goes straight into the gutter. How would those eyes look staring up at me from her knees?

I swim to the rock ledge and climb out, extending my hand behind me for her to grab hold of. She reaches up without hesitation, and I note how small her hand is in mine. It fits perfectly, like it was the missing piece to my puzzle all along.

When we’re both out of the water, I grab a towel and dry myself off as best I can, but pause when I catch her watching me.

She’s biting her lip, her eyes hungrily roaming the expanse of my broad chest, and triumph at having those eyes on me roots itself deep inside me. With a boyish grin Justin would be proud of, I offer her the towel.

It’s my turn to watch her. Her bikini shows off the dips and curves of her short frame. The way her hips flare out before continuing down, showcasing the strong legs that carried her up this mountain, has my nostrils flaring with animalistic need. She sees me watching her, and I’m surprised when she doesn’t try to cover herself from me.