Page 25 of When The Mountains Held Us

She groans. “I know.” She draws out the last word.

“Are you all set for the semester? Need me to send you anything? Money? Snacks?” I unlock the front door and walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my keys on the counter before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Eva laughs, and my heart swells. I miss hearing that high, joyous sound in person.

“I’m good. I just got back from the grocery store, so I’m all stocked up for now.”

“Alright,” I concede. “But let me know if that changes.”

“Such a mother hen,” Eva teases, but I can hear the warmth in her voice telling me that she’s less annoyed about it than she lets on. “So, what have you been up to, big bro?”

“Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. The usual.” I can’t hide the way my voice falls flat at the end.

When did I become so complacent with my routine? When did it start being enough for me? Eva, of course, picks up on it immediately. The other end of the line is silent while I wait to see if she’s going to call me out on it or not.

“Are you in the dark place?”

I blow out a breath. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Talk to me.” Her voice is both gentle and firm, not pushing me for an answer, but I know from experience that she won’t let me off the hook until I get it off my chest. In a way, it’s infuriating that the little sister I worked so hard to protect has switched roles with me. But in another way, it feels good to be taken care of for a change. I didn’t have that growing up. I had to be strong for the both of us.

“I met someone. A girl. And there’s something about her I can’t put my finger on. But it scares me to death.”

“This is a good thing. I worry about you all alone up there. You could use a little feminine touch.”

“Okay, ew.”

Her answering laugh eases the tightness in my chest a fraction. “I didn’t mean it like that! But… maybe I should have meant it like that?”

“We are not having this conversation, Eva.”

“Oh come on, Levi, we’re both adults. And we both know you get a little broody when you’re not getting any.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait! I only mean you could use someone in your life that’s there for you the way you’re there for me.”

I nod, but don’t answer. I couldn’t find the words even if I tried. A beat of silence goes by, filled only by our breathing on the phone—mine rapid, but hers even and calm.

“You’re nothing like him, Levi.”

“What if a part of me is?” My question feels like tar in my throat.

“You’re not. And you fucking know it.” Her defiance takes me by surprise, and I’m stunned into silence. Eva never curses. “How long are you going to isolate yourself from anything remotely good in your life? You and I grew up in the same house. I saw the same things you did. You always say I'm nothing like Mom, so I'm going to flip it around on you. You're nothing like Dad, Levi. What we saw does not define who we are.”

“I know. You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” she scoffs, as if the idea of me coming to any other conclusion is ridiculous. “Now, what is it about this girl that has you so afraid?”

“I can’t figure her out. One moment, she’s carefree and laughing and full of life, and the next moment, her walls go up and she gets this look in her eyes.”

Eva is quiet for a moment, and I plop myself down on the couch next to Bandit, resting my head back and stroking my free hand over his head. A female voice in the background shouts something unintelligible.

“Coming!” Eva shouts back. “Listen, I’ve got to run, but remember, we’re not the only ones with baggage out there. When did you meet her?”

“A few days ago.”

Something between a laugh and a groan sounds from the phone, and I roll my eyes, already knowing what she’s about to say.

“Maybe she just needs some time to open up. I know you’ve got that whole mountain man charm thing going for you, but, my advice? Ease off a bit. Give her a chance to wonder about you, too. And don’t go all dark and mopey on me again. It’s weird.”