Page 51 of Lavender’s Lost Duke

Thomas shook his head and chuckled at his absurdity. “Glad to hear it. Did you practice your reading?”

Jack crouched down beside Thomas. “Are you my father or my mother? Because my father would have told me to toughen up a long time ago, and my mother would have told me to make sure I sing myself to sleep to keep the bad dreams away.” He looked into Thomas’s eyes. “You’re a mother. I wouldn’t have guessed that on our first day together.”

“Just because I worry about you doesn’t mean I’m a mother.”

Jack stole the hat from Thomas’s head and put it over his own unruly curls. “Don’t worry, mum. I behaved myself while you were gone.”

Thomas swiped his leg around and tripped Jack so that he fell beside him. “I can be a father, too. And don’t you forget it.”

Jack laughed. “What an upside-down world we live in. Here I am training both my parents how to do their jobs.”

“Upside down sounds right to me,” Thomas agreed.

“Did you just trip Jack?” a female voice called.

Thomas tamped down his emotions and looked at the ground. “I’m sorry, Lady Lavender.”

He watched the ground as her delicate kid slippers stepped right up to him. “Did he deserve it, Tom?” she whispered.

“I deserved it,” Jack hooted with laughter. “Don’t mind us.”

Thomas felt like his tongue was glued to the back of his throat.

“Tom, I need to be in the garden tonight. I expect you to accompany me. I have some matters to settle.”

Jack hopped up from the ground. “Sounds like you’re in trouble,” he mock-whispered and then ran back to the house.

“Won’t Lord Chilcott be available?” Thomas hated that his voice had a hint of accusation in it.

“Goodness, I hope not.” she shuddered. Then she set her hand on his arm. “I want it to be you.” He looked up to see her eyes pleading at him, and guilt ate at his chest.

“I lose either way in this argument, my lady. If I come, I hurt you, and now you are telling me that if I don’t, I also hurt you. It’s not fair to ask it of me. The last thing I want is for you to be in pain.” He clenched his teeth together and gripped his shovel with renewed strength to resist the urge to reach out and take her in his arms.

“What if I am not afraid of getting hurt?”

He looked away from her. “You would change your mind in time. But, I am at your command. I will be here tonight.”

“Thank you, Tom.” She shifted her weight.

Thomas backed away. “I need to keep working. The weeds have crept up the past week.” He turned from her and moved up the path until he turned a corner. Then he crouched down and stuck his small shovel into the dirt, straining his ears until he could hear her retreating footsteps. How was he supposed to be a gentleman and a servant? The two roles were not the same in the least. He sat on the soft dirt and pushed his hands into the soil, breathing deeply. He could do this. Samuel and Miriam were doing everything they could to clear his name. All he needed to do was wait.

Nothing had ever seemed so impossible.

Thomas followed Lady Lavender’s form out to the garden after he’d wolfed down as much stew as he could. He regretted the move now—he was nervous enough that the whole lot of it might end up coming back out unceremoniously. He caught up to Lady Lavender as she sat on the swing. “Would you like a push, my lady?”

Her sigh was heavy, as if a mountain were laid across her shoulders. “That sounds wonderful, Tom.”

His hands went to her waist, and he pushed her gently, afraid that too much exertion might break her. She wasn’t a fragile woman, but she seemed like one at the moment. All he wanted to do was to pick her up from the swing and hold her in his arms. He wanted to bury his face in her wild curls and take in her lavender scent. Maybe if he held her long enough, he could mend whatever was breaking inside of her.

But instead, he only imagined those things and sufficed to allow himself to touch her back and waist each time she swung toward him. Torture. This is what it would feel like if Thomas didn’t make it to heaven one day, he was sure of it, the feeling of being so close and yet impossibly far from achieving his hopes. Maybe he should just try to get used to this feeling. The chances of him making it to heaven were not good. Not with how much of his time he’d wasted.

“I visited the Duke of Fenleigh’s library while we were away,” she said in the darkness.

Thomas’s heart pounded. “And . . .”

She looked at him over her shoulder. “You were right, it was the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”

He smiled like a fool. “I am glad to hear it.”