Page 14 of Autumn on My Mind

That is a great question. “Right now I’m undeclared. Maybe some sort of science? Or engineering?” It’s a topic I’ve gone back and forth about countless times, because I don’t feel ready to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m only twenty-one.

When I was growing up, my twenties felt so adult. So grown up. But now that I’m here, I still feel clueless, like I’m fumbling around in a world that’s too big for me, tripping over my own feet.

Dominic nods, his eyes lighting with surprise. “That’s what I’m doing,” he says. “Mechanical engineering.”

I blink at him. “Really?” I tuck a few runaway strands of hair behind my ear. “How are you liking it?”

“Ah.” He gives a little laugh and runs one hand over his head, his eyes darting hesitantly to mine. “Not at all, actually.”

“What?” I say, my brows jumping. “Why? Is the program bad?”

“No,” he says. “It’s fine. It’s more of a me thing, I think. I’m not sure I’m made for classrooms and desks. I miss fixing things with my hands. Looking at the final product right in front of me. Tinkering and figuring things out.” He shrugs and sighs. “I don’t know.”

Huh. Interesting. I’m about to ask more when I hear my name being called from a distance. I turn to find the speaker and see my roommates emerging from one of the doors of the Farrell building, their elbows linked, all of them laughing.

A dangerous disappointment sinks in my chest—dangerous because I have no business being sad that I have to stop talking to Dominic. We are not on the same playing field. We are not even in the same sport. He was out of reach in high school, which means he’s undoubtedly out of reach now, too.

“My roommates,” I say, gesturing weakly to the three of them as they begin heading my direction. “They didn’t stay very long, I guess.”

“You’ve got to go, then?” Dom says.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Stop it, heart. STOP IT. You are not sad.

“Too bad,” Dominic says. He then tugs his phone from his pocket and holds it up. “Want to trade numbers?” he says with raised brows.

The way I stare at him is very unflattering.

“It’s great to talk to someone from home,” he adds with another shrug. “That’s all. Just knowing someone.”

Does that even make sense? He knows a lot of people here. He must. He’s here with his roommate, for one.

But even though a part of me is nervous, a bigger part of me wants to accept. Because he’s right; it is nice to have someone from home around. Someone who understands what life was like before coming here.

That’s the only reason, I tell myself firmly.

“Yeah, definitely,” I say. Then I pass him my phone with hands I try to hold steady. “Here. Enter your number.”

He takes the phone, sparing a brief glance for my Winnie the Pooh phone case and smiling, before typing his number in. Then he passes it back.

“Let me know if you ever want to get together,” he says. “Or if you have any questions about the engineering programs.”

I nod and stand up, slipping my feet back into my heels and trying to calm my jumping pulse. “I will,” I say, even though I know I won’t. I won’t, because when people say things like that they rarely ever mean it, and I need my hopes to stay firmly grounded. “It was great to talk to you.”

Really great. So great.

“You too,” he says with a crooked little smile. “Keep in touch.”

I think my voice will be squeaky if I speak again, so I just nod, and when I walk away to meet my roommates, my heart is still thumping loudly in my chest.

Dominic

Good luck on your first day of classes.

Me

Thanks! You too!