Page 48 of Smitty

“I was never too busy for you, Brooke. I just got tired of feeling like I was in the way… that I was just another box to check off your list. I figured I would give you some space, and maybe, you’d come back.”

“I didn’t ask for space.” I stepped toward him. “I loved you.”

“Then, why did you stop trying… I understand you were busy and had shit to do. I can even understand us drifting apart. Hell, I had my own part in that. But what I don’t get is why you didn’t come to me when you found out you were pregnant.”

There it was. The question I’d been dreading.

“I was going to. I even came to the garage to tell you.”

“When?”

“I was about four months along. I’d just found out.” His eyes never left mine as I explained, “I was overwhelmed and scared, so I skipped class and came to talk to you. I spent the whole drive trying to figure out what I was going to say to you… I didn’t want you to feel trapped or obligated because I knew from the second I got the positive pregnancy test that I wanted this baby, and there was no way I was giving it up.”

“I would’ve never asked you to give it up.”

“I think I knew that, but I was just so scared. It didn’t help that my hormones were all over the place. I was a mess.”

He didn’t say a word.

He just stood there and listened with a pained expression.

“I pulled up and was about to go in when I saw you talking to Josie.”

I didn’t have to explain who she was. He knew she was his boss’s granddaughter. He also knew how I felt about her, so I wasn’t surprised that his expression remained blank but cold as I continued, “Anyway, you two were talking, but it wasn’t like two friends having a little chat. This was something more. It was intimate.”

My throat tightened. “She had her hand on your chest, and she was standing real close. You talked for a minute, and she smiled and then… And then, she kissed you.”

Silence.

“You didn’t push her away… You kissed her back.” I looked to the ground. “And then you went back inside together.”

Again, he said nothing.

He just stood there, taking it in.

“I know it might not sound like a big deal to you, but it broke my heart to see you with her. I thought she was the reason you’d started pulling away, so I left.”

He ran his hand through his shaggy hair and grumbled, “Fuck.”

When I finally looked back up at him, he wasn’t looking at me. He was staring out at the lake with a strange expression on his face. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I kept talking. “I didn’t know what to think. Things were different with us. I just assumed she had something to do with it.”

He remained completely still, and after what felt like forever, he let out a long breath. “I knew you were there. I saw your car at the red light… saw you pull up in the lot and park, but I pretended not to notice.”

“What? Why?”

“I was struggling. You were out there living your best life, making yourself even better than you already were, and I was still stuck in that garage with the same ghosts riding my back. You were out there with all these people and possibilities, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“What are you saying?”

“I was always honest with you about Joise… I knew she was into me, but I didn’t feel the same. You knew that, but it didn’t change how you felt about her.” His jaw clenched. “I knew if you saw us together, it would be the push you needed to finally let go.”

“So, the kiss was all for show?”

“Pretty much.” He shrugged. “I’d fixed her car and saved her a couple thousand bucks that she didn’t have. That Cyrus didn’t have. She thanked me and kissed me. I knew you were watching, so I kissed her back. I could feel you there. I knew you were watching when we headed back in the garage, but I didn’t know you were pregnant. If I had, I would’ve never pulled that shit.”

“I don’t know what to say.” My throat tightened as I whispered, “I can’t believe you would do that.”

“We both had a part in it… You didn’t trust me. You just thought the worst and held onto it, and I let you.”