Page 30 of Smitty

So, I wasn’t surprised when he said, “Seemed like he was more than that.”

He was right. Brayden was much more than that. He was my first love, the father of my child, and the man I once imagined building a future with. But he ended up being the biggest heartbreak of my life.

Ryan knew the story.

I’d told him all about it when we first started talking. He knew Brayden was one of the reasons I wasn’t interested in dating, and he hated him for it. I knew it would’ve started a conversation I wasn’t ready to have, so I said, “It’s getting kind of late.”

Ryan just stared at me, like he was contemplating pushing me further, but thankfully, Anslee yawned wide, giving me my out. I reached over and brushed her hair out of her face as I told him, "She's getting tired."

"Yeah. Okay. Let’s go."

We continued toward the parking lot, and Ryan's hand remained wrapped around mine. His expression remained thoughtful, and every few minutes I caught him looking over at me, watching and waiting, like he was trying to figure out what was going on in my head.

I kept my focus on the road ahead, not giving him any reason to question me further. I just wasn’t ready to open that door and let him in on everything, and I knew if I started talking, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

The ride home was rough. With all the traffic, it took us forever just to get out of the city. Ryan tried several times to spark a conversation, but I just didn’t have it in me. I answered when I had to, but no more than that. I tried closing my eyes and resting for a bit, but my mind would immediately drift to Brayden and the torn look on his face.

By the time we got home, I was emotionally exhausted. Ryan parked, then immediately turned to me and asked, “You sure you’re okay?”

“It’s been a long week. I’m just tired.”

“Okay.”

I could tell he didn’t believe me, but he let it go and helped me get Anslee out of the car. She was nearly asleep and fighting it hard as I carried her upstairs and quickly changed her into her PJs. I rocked her a bit, and her tiny fingers curled around mine. “I love you, sweet girl.”

Her little eyes closed, and I laid her carefully into her crib. I watched her for a moment, making sure she was asleep before whispering, “Goodnight, baby girl. I love you so, so much.”

The room fell silent as I stood there staring down at my precious daughter, and before I realized it, a tear had trickled down my cheek. And then another and another. I covered my mouth with both hands, trying desperately not to make a sound. My shoulders shook, my chest ached, and all the years of grief, anger, and regret came rushing out.

I told myself the same story. I said it so many times that I actually started to believe it. Brayden had met someone else and had moved on. If he’d cared, he would’ve come looking for me. He didn’t, so that meant he’d chosen another life. He’d forgotten about me and the promises we’d made.

But after seeing him tonight, I wasn’t so sure.

He looked so hurt, nothing like I would expect from a man who’d moved on with someone else. My stomach turned to knots when I thought back to that day in the parking lot. I’d gone to tell him I was pregnant.

If it hadn’t been her, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad.

He knew how I felt about her flirting and teasing. She wanted him and everyone around to know she had a thing for him. But he’d never paid her any mind. He’d even joked about it, telling me that I had nothing to worry about, that he wasn’t interested in her. But clearly that was no longer the case.

The toying with the hair was one thing, but the kiss was more than simple flirting. He kissed her back. Long and hard. And then, he followed her back into the garage like he was chasing after his next conquest. Neither of them had a clue I was there watching.

Neither of them knew that they’d just ripped my heart to shreds. I felt like a fool for thinking I could go off to school and it wouldn’t affect us. I knew it was a bad idea. I told him from the start, but I thought he loved me as much as I loved him.

But now that I’d seen him, saw that hurt in his eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d been wrong.

Maybe I’d misread their interaction.

Maybe they weren’t together.

Maybe I’d let one stupid moment ruin everything between us.

I looked down at Anslee sleeping peacefully in her crib, and the tears started to fall again. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d made a real mess of everything.

That cold, winter night wasn't supposed to matter. It was just supposed to be some brief encounter between two strangers. Nothing more. But it changed the course of my life. It had changed his, too. In more ways than he realized, but the revelation was coming.

And it was coming sooner than later.

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